Tuesday Crab Ass

With the crappy night’s sleep (in bed at 12:00, asleep at 2:30, saw the clock again at 4:30, tossed till 6:30) I’m in a crappy mood. So here’s what was going through my head last night. Why the hell do the cars/trucks with the noisiest exhausts have to drive by my house at 1 or 2 o’clock in the morning? Have they been reading my blog and know I’m going to have a hard time sleeping? Are the sleep gods sending text messages to these people suggesting they gun the gas when they drive by instead of actually slowing down for the stop light? Do people put signs out at night, semis please use alternate route down this street, B’s trying to sleep? I’d close my window but I’ve heard stories of people dying from nocturnal emissions, I think I’d be a prime candidate for that (I’m sure that will win the women over). Then there’s the flight for life helicopter making trips to the local hospital. Well, usually it’s making trips, last night it was hovering over my house. You’d think the helicopter fuel would be too expensive to sit and hover, overlooking the area. Or was it circling like a vulture, waiting for me to gasp my last breath and swoop in? Sorry fellas, not tonight, I have a meeting in the morning. I’ll let you know when the timing is more convenient. Till then I’ll keep you on speed dial. And next time you fly by can you get a little altitude? Is it necessary to skim the tree tops right outside my window? I have the flares and speed dial ready, you won’t miss me. If the flare comes too close to you I’m sorry, unless you’re doing the low altitude hover again, then it’s a toss up as to what my intentions are, you never know what’s going through a sleep deprived brain at 2:00 in the morning. I figure the next step is to further injure my back/shoulder and end up in the hospital, have one of those cute nurses bring me drugs every four hours and keep me sleeping like a baby. Last time I was in was for knee surgery, had this really hot nurse, dark skinned, funky accent, total cutie. And of course my mom was in the room when she offered to bathe me. Of all the times to visit. I had to respectfully decline, but you better believe I thought about it for the next couple days. Should have just kicked mom out and gotten my moneys worth.