Amazing Golf Ball Whacker Guy

I haven’t touched a golf club in over three years. The fact that I more than likely couldn’t walk a whole golf course at the age of 33 is probably the main reason for this. But last Sunday I decided to load the clubs in the Jeep and hit the local driving range.

My first shots were understandably off to a degree. Off, low, short, left, right, you name it. After most swings I’d feel a twinge or a pull so I thought it might be a good idea if I’d actually loosen up a little. I mimicked the 65 year-old lady four stalls down from me, twisting my back and shoulders, getting them ready for some high velocity swings. When I was finally loose the balls started to fly fairly straight and true. With that out of the way I became determined to hit the green they had situated about 230 yards out. I pulled out my trusty 3-iron and swung away. I managed to reach the green a number of times before I swung one too hard, lost my balance, snagged my shorts on a nail that pulled them down and exposed my penis. Thankfully no one was looking and I rolled it back up into my shorts without incident.

But seriously, about halfway through my bucket of balls I noticed my ACL-less left knee was giving me problems. Being mildly unstable I found myself finishing my swing on my right leg, a definite no-no for a right handed golfer. Once I corrected the weight transfer I was getting beautiful shots down the middle of the range, some with my driver even (we’ve never seen eye to eye). But now I was putting a lot of torque/weight on my left leg and it couldn’t handle it. I picked up my bucket of balls and walked over to the 65 year-old lady, giving her what I couldn’t use with a wink. Hey, old ladies need emotional pick-me-ups too.

I don’t have visions of living till I’m 80. With my lifestyle, and with my luck, I’ll croak when I turn 59 ½. I’ve also always said, “If you can’t swing a golf club, what’s left?” Hence the doctor appointment I scheduled for next week. As scared as I am of another knee surgery I don’t think I can avoid it anymore.