Nike Keeping Tiger as an Endorser of...

Zombies and Other Scary Things

Why did I watch Resident Evil 3, The Hills Have Eyes, and The Hills Have Eyes 2 knowing full well that I'd be working alone the next day in an office where the lights go off every hour and a half on the weekends?

Yahoo!, Tiger Back in Rehab?

Tiger is making his statement today and will be returning to rehab. I whack off every day, have 20 hours of porn on my cell phone, and "browse" (stalk) women on Yahoo! Personals and post their pictures on my getting lamer by the minute blog. Who really needs help here? Ladies, any offers?

Kentucky Grammar, Part 2

After their OT win at Miss State, DeMarcus Cousins was quoted, "This is probably one of the toughest places we've done played this year." Mr. Cousins, dear friends, will be a multimillionaire this summer. Mr. Cousins will also have a posse, a baby momma, and an unregistered hand gun, preferably a Glock (if he doesn't have all that already, being under Coach Calipari and all).

Hightop Nikes?

Didn't know they still made those (as shown on a cast member of the Jersey Shore, naturaly).

NBA All Star Game

Crime finna be high in Texas tonight, All Star game and all.

Rupp Arena

The Kentucky Wildcats play at 8:00 central time. ESPN is doing their College Game Day presentation today from Rupp Arena. The place is packed with students ten hours before tip off. What are we teaching college students today?

Blue Grass Cuntry

Kentucky players skip Spelling For Third Graders class for foto opportunity (check out John Wall's jersey spelling "Kentcuky").

Workout + Laziness = Pain

Ya'll know that I like to lift weights. I like being 230 lbs, just slightly larger than the average guy. But sometimes when I'm in the basement throwing weights around I just want to be done with it. Usually there's a game on that I want to watch or I'm nearing the end time of a food special at the corner bar.

Last week Wednesday was one of those days. I had some awesome "picks" on the college basketball games and wanted to watch them in style, beer and cigarette in hand. I had finished the wide grip chin ups, underhand chin ups and overhand chin ups. I could already feel my back muscles were getting tight with fatigue. I usually do my rowing exercises with a hand and a knee on the bench while pulling a 90 lb dumbbell up and down (see diagram #1). In this case three sets starts to feel like six doing each arm individually. I wanted to get done sooner so I threw two 45 lb plates on the bar to do bent over rows (see diagram #2). Everything seemed to go ok and I was done in a jiffy.

Two days later I could hardly raise my arm above my shoulder. Four days later, instead of doing shoulder presses with 60 lb dumbbells I was struggling with 20 pounders. Nine days later and it still pains me to hold a phone to my head when I need two hands on the computer. I don't know what I pulled but I'm starting to think I should get it checked out, and I absolutely hate going to see a doctor or chiropractor.

Lesson learned, though: don't try to cheat on your workout or you will pay for it later.

SB Halftime Show

I can hear The Who jamming out but I'm in the shitter because I forgot to poop today. Only the biggest football game of the year...

Portland/Gonzaga

I don't like Gonzaga. I especially don't like Matt Bouldin, pictured above. So I placed a $60 wager on the team they were playing last night, Portland. Boy was I wrong. Then I started to feel bad because my normal bet is just $20. But do you know what cheared me up? I lost $2,750 on the stock market on Thursday. In the gayest voice ever can we all say "Yah"!

Should change the blog name to "The Best Guide to Losing in Every Aspect of Life" or "Stick IT (Any Object) in My Ass, I Might Like it."

I consider any other suggestions you might have.

ExtenZe

Former Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy Johnson will be promoting ExtenZe male-enhancement pill? I still think Terry Bradshaw's naked ass on the big screen was the best.