Shit’s Been A’Flying

Last week one of my friends brought a copy of People Magazine up to the bar (he gets it delivered to his house, and he says he’s not gay). This issue had the photos of Heidi Montag and her before and after having ten surgeries in one day procedure. I’ll admit, I drooled for a good 3(0) minutes. Then the Renter showed up. There was another article in there about some broad who weighed 126 pounds and people thought she was fat. I took one look at her picture and stated that yeah, for being 5’1” and in an issue of People Magazine, she certainly could lose a little weight. The chick had some thick arms on her. Then the Renter asked me if New Girl was thin. After looking at Heidi Montag I had to say no, New Girl was not thin in my eyes. Somehow that turned in to New Girl being fat which I totally did not say. That turned in to the Renter looking up this blog and reading off where I said I’d “brain fuck the New Girl but I wouldn’t get very far.” The extent of my relationship with women…

Anyway, the New Girl has been bringing some of her pretty hot friends up to the bar. One was a tall blonde who demanded the attention of the whole bar. I tried to blow her off a little but she caught my attention when she spread her legs with a short skirt on. Memorable conversation piece: So, do you have a boyfriend? Why do you ask, I thought you were taken?

I might as well go gay.

Another girl she brought up was pretty much my dream girl. Cute, nice smile, decent body, but the girl knew her sports. Instant woody. Of course that night I had the annoying Neighbor Boy sitting in between us so that made it a little hard to talk to her. And as it turned out she had a boyfriend anyway so yeah…

I might as well go gay.

I guess I pretty much assume that nobody reads this shit but apparently I have a follower in Michigan. My neighbor Mr. Fudd got a hysterical call the other day because his ex-girlfriend thought that he was the one making out with the much younger girl last week Saturday. Trust me, Mr. Fudd ain’t that lucky. I do have other neighbors, sweety.