Runs/Wipes/General Misery

These past three days have been absolutely brutal for me. Somehow I came down with some form of the flu for the third time in three months. But this time it was worse than the others.

As far as work is concerned I think I’ve done my best to hang in there. All three times I’ve only missed two days while I know of other people in other offices who have taken a whole week off. I know I maybe shouldn’t have been at work with the possibility of getting other people sick but I hate missing work and when I did go back I was feeling much better than when I was ill. And even this past Thursday and Friday I still did work from home for an important meeting next week. That, my friends, was not easy. Besides being achy, weak, and downright tired, I was doing work on the edge of my couch hunched over my laptop with my back begging for a break. Not having a printer at home made matters even worse. But I got it done in time. Hopefully the boss man was happy.

The first two times I had flu-like symptoms I had the shivers and shakes on top of the general aches and lack of energy. This time I had the runs.

The Renter and I grabbed some food Wednesday night and I had a double order of my usual omelet. It was probably too much for me to eat on a regular basis but I got it all down. I got home around 11:00 and went to bed.

5:00 in the morning I felt a pain in my stomach. It was an odd pain, not gas, not cramps, but something I haven’t felt in a long time. I found my way to the bathroom, dropped my drawers, and proceeded to flush my bowels with little effort but yet much force. I figured that was why my stomach didn’t feel right. I was wrong. The pain started to creep up my esophagus. I grabbed the trashcan and hurled up the enormous amount of food I had just consumed. It wasn’t pretty. The food had little to no chance to digest. I filled the trashcan to the brim.

From 5:00 to 7:30 I woke up every 30 minutes to poop once again. By the time my alarm went off I felt like I had gotten little to no sleep. I figured, “Come on, suck it up, you can do this.” I took the puppy out and grabbed a bottle of water as I head back to my bedroom. That stayed in my system for 20 minutes. I puked all the water up in a clear, fine spray (which the cleaning lady is now complaining about). I had to call in to work.

All day Thursday I was on the can four times an hour. To make matters worse I didn’t have any toilet paper in the house, just Bounty paper towels. While I did get some work down, I also wore a whole in my asshole (or was that there already?). All Thursday night I was up running for the shitter. I was thankful I wasn’t puking any more but my ass was taking a beating. I didn’t eat anything on Thursday. There were absolutely no chunks in my poop.

Friday morning I had had enough. I normally don’t like taking pills besides maybe a couple Tylenol when I have a headache but I needed something to make this stop. I went on WebMD.com for the first time in my life. I first looked up stomach flu which led me to diarrhea. It said I should drink plenty of fluids to avoid dehydration. Well, fuck that, that’s all I did on Thursday and ended up shitting it all out. They said Imodium A-D would clear it all up. I emailed the Renter and she brought some home during lunch.

Within two hours I was cured.

Mr. “I don’t like taking pills” could have saved himself a roll of paper towels and a bright red sphincter had I only taken that stuff right away. Now I know. I won’t go through all that again.

I’m also getting a flu shot next year.


On another note, thank you Tiger Woods. His Gatorade Tiger – FOCUS sports drinks were on clearance at Walgreens. I have no problem cashing in on someone else’s demise.