Christmas Weekend

Have you ever tried to put something into words but can’t quite get the words straight in your head? That’s exactly how I feel about my recent trip to the Wisconsin Dells. The amount of beer I had on said trip might have something to do with it. Just to list a couple things that happened:

- I went bowling. I haven’t gone bowling since I was in high school. Being right handed I had to plant on the ACL-less left knee. Somehow I only ended up on my ass (literally) just once. Must have made an impression on the staff; the next day they were all like, “Hey, you’re back!” It was like meeting them for the first time for me.

- I played on a sand filled shuffle board that had to have been 20 feet long. That turned out to be pretty fun.

- I went to the casino and won $500. Pretty much paid for the beer and food.

- I sat in the hot tub in the room exactly one time. What a waste of space.

- I ate food at the casino “deli.” The next day I had to shit twice while playing the same game of Golden Tee. God that stuff was bad.

- I swam at the hotel pool once but still managed to get the lifeguard to blow his whistle at me. What a trouble maker I am!

- One night, really, really drunk, I called the front desk and asked them if they had really small condoms. The lady at the front desk said she could check in the gift shop. “I need really, really small ones. Care to join me?” Click.

- I lost over a thousand dollars at the casino. I didn’t even want to go in the first place. And then after being down most the night I hit a hot streak to go up by $100 – only to lose it all. Fuck-ity-fuck-fuck.

- With my driving record a speeding ticket would look like a fly on the radar screen so in order to make it back for the Packers game I averaged 85 miles per hour. The speed limit is 65.