Best Weight Loss Plan Ever

I mentioned before that I have just gotten over the flu for the third time in two and a half months. I know, that’s pretty hard to believe, three times in 75 days, but I’m not joking. The last bout was the worst. When I say that I was shitting 80 times a day I’m not lying. The margin of error on that number is probably 5. With the combination of not eating anything but saltine cracks and water and shitting that many times I have lost a good deal of weight. Even after fixing the shitting problem (thank you Imodium A-D!) I still didn’t have much of an appetite. The end result: I’ve lost a lot of weight.

I first noticed it in my waist. I can usually take the puppy around the block in my jeans without a belt on but now they just fall off me. I had to adjust my belt a notch smaller when I got ready for work today. I must have lost a lot because a couple of my co-workers mentioned it. So, yeh, cool, nothing wrong with losing some poundage around the waist region.

But then as the day went on I noticed something else. The short sleeved polo shirt (by far not the brand name, just the style) that I was wearing has a stretchy cuff at the bottom of the arms around the bicep area. This cuff used to be fairly snug against my arm. To my horror it was no longer snug. It wasn’t even close to being snug, more like two inches from being snug. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not like one of those goofs on The Jersey Shore who work out two hours a day and pose in the mirror another two hours. But I do check myself out for 20 seconds before I hop in the shower after a workout. I do glance in the mirror while playing pool to check out my arm definition. I like being bigger than the average guy. But now, ugh… Just a little depressing.

On a brighter note a hot female roughly ten years younger than I told me I was “cute” on Saturday. She actually said it twice because I wasn’t really expecting someone that hot and young to say that to me, unprovoked, as I walked past her. Of course at the end of the night she was making out with my much older neighbor but hey, I’m still cute. And last week while shooting pool one of the girls on the other team pointed at me and said, “he’s the hottest one.”

So you don’t have to feel too bad for me.