Kick Out Of It

I pulled into the garage, got out and was reaching for the garage door button. The Renter drove up the driveway.

Renter: Did you do that on purpose?

Me, sheepishly smiling: What are you talking about?

Renter: Now I know you did! That guy was pissed!

You see, my neighborhood looks like the above (sorry, the Paint drawing I did wouldn't upload). The horizontal street is pretty busy and making a left hand turn at the stop light can take a while. People take a left a block sooner and take the winding road which spits them out right by my house, completely avoiding the stop light. Sometimes I take that route but the road is pretty rough. Nobody babies their car like I do so I don’t like to put the old Jeep through that. Since there are kids all around the neighborhood (ick) I usually take it pretty slow. I hate it when people come whipping through there.

I have this thing for luxury car owners. They’ll be the first ones to pass you and abruptly cut you off because they wanted to go five miles an hour faster. They are asshole drivers. Sure, I might be a little jealous of their vehicles, probably mostly because of the horsepower they have. My six cylinder Jeep is by far the slowest vehicle I’ve ever owned. When I’m on the road I’ll purposely “ignore” the turn signal of some broad in a Beemer who wants to change lanes. My tires stick out past my fenders, probably wouldn’t even scratch my car is we were to happen to make “incidental” contact.

Thursday there was a long line of cars at the light so I decided to take the rough road. I turned left, accelerated across the street and took it out of gear. Within seconds some guy in an Acura was on my ass. I was going about 15 miles an hour when I put it into second gear. I quickly slowed down to 10 miles an hour. I have a mesh window in back so I couldn’t exactly see his facial expression. Fuck it, I flipped on my turn signal and dropped it into first gear and crawled into my driveway with the speedometer reading zero. I could hear the guy in the Acura punch it hard accelerating to the end of the block, flying past the Renter who was waiting for me to pull in.

You don’t know what kind of a kick I get about doing shit like this.