Saturday morning I woke up and realized what I had done. I had managed to score a date with her for 8:00 on Saturday night. She was even going to pick me up so I both wouldn’t have to drive or leave my car in her less than safe neighborhood. So when I woke up I instantly realized what I had done, and it wasn’t good. First there was the fear of the date. I really don’t date women. If they want to come over and get naked I’m all up for that but actually going out to dinner and having conversations (of which my side is all likes trying to get them back to my place and naked), man, I just don’t like doing it. I think the thing is that I’m good at the lying part, good at the getting them naked part, but all I’m doing is leading them on to think/feel something that really isn’t there. Second, she was picking me up. That would mean I wouldn’t be able to leave whenever I wanted to. This easily leads to a feeling of entrapment, something Mr. Claustrophobic here doesn’t handle well at all. And lastly, I’d have to stay somewhat sober till 8:00. On a Saturday. On a Saturday in the summer. That shit just doesn’t happen. I called her at 9:30 and suggested we change the whole arrangement for a weeknight. I wasn’t expecting such objectivity on her part. When we finished our conversation she was so dejected you’d think I had killed her kitty or something. I of course laughed it off and opened the first beer, well before 10:00.
That day I got another 15 texts from her, the first being “What, now you don’t want to talk to me?” when our last words were that she was going to call me when she got done with some stuff she had to do. Then there was “Ok, how about tonight we don’t go on a date. Instead just drink some beer and watch a movie like friends?” Uh, isn’t that a date? Plus all three of my issues are still there. Ten or so texts later and I was starting to think psycho woman. But then again I didn’t care, the beer was flowing.
Around 6:00 the Slovack came over and talked me in to going fishing with him in the morning… at 6:00 in the morning. So, imagine how boozed up I was to agree to that? I don’t get up at 6:00 in the morning for anything let alone to go fishing, which I really don’t like doing in the first place (touching live fish isn’t something I do well). I think one of the reasons I agreed to it was the Renter’s idea: get really fucked up, go to bed early and everything will be fine in the morning.
9:00 pm the Renter drove to a bar that makes their own pizza from scratch. “Pretend like you’re sober, pretend like you’re sober.” I can pretend to like someone to get some poon, but I sure as hell can’t act sober. I walked in ten feet and sat by the bathrooms facing the big screen. I gave the Renter $20 to get a beer and pizza. She wasn’t gone more than 30 seconds when I tried to adjust my bar stool back, pivoted on one of the back legs and went crashing down three and a half feet to the hardwood floors. Everyone in the bar looked at me with shocked faces. I got up, picked the stool up, waved to everyone saying “sorry” and sat back down. Not long later the Renter came back with the beer. I’m going to guess that only in Milwaukee can you walk into a bar, fall over on your stool within a minute of arriving and still get served a beverage. I have a big ass bruise on my side. But mission accomplished; by 10:00 I was in bed.
Go up early on Sunday and had to convince the Slovack that the puppy was going fishing. I wasn’t going to leave her in her kennel all day while she could have been sitting on the boat. She did well last time so there wasn’t really any reason why she couldn’t go. We got to the lake around 7:00. I hate to admit it but the Slovack was right; we caught most of the fish from then till 8:30 am and very few after that. We actually put a couple in front of puppy to let her sniff them and was surprised when she grabbed the first one and ran around the boat with it. Occasionally she’d get one and you’d hear this “crunch” which meant it was time to take the fish away and put it in the live well. When it got warm out the Renter tossed her in the water a couple times. Now, with the combination of the fish in her mouth and being submerged in the water, well, puppy don’t smell too good. She’ll be getting a bath tonight.
After it got warm out the bikinis came out too. Let’s just say my neck hurts a little today.
Puppy and I slept from 7:00 pm to 7:00 am. She must have been pooped, too.
Oh, and the 40-year-old had Monday off so I won’t have to see her till Tuesday. Just another 24 hours to figure out my excuse story. Wish me luck.
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