On the Hunt

So there’s this new girl at work. I shouldn’t say she’s a girl, she’s pretty close to 40. A very young 40 I might add. She jogs, bikes, and plays softball. She kind of took a liking to me the second day she was on the job, stopping by my office to see if I wanted to go outside for “fresh air.”

Knowing that she was in training on Monday and Tuesday, and knowing the training probably wasn’t all that exciting, I made a poem for her. “It’s training, it’s boring, the older one is snoring.” To which I got this response:

40: You poem was very sweet, even though you’re making fun of me again.

I pick on people, make them laugh, that’s what I do. That's my schtick.

Me: I’ll try to be nicer. I should realize women have delicate egos and might not be able to take a ribbing (even though Adam gave up a rib to make Eve).

Had to get the Biblical reference in there since she doesn’t believe in God. Being a God fearing person I should try to convince her otherwise but that really isn’t my style. For some people that would be like convincing them to send in money to their financial advisor that they can’t touch till they’re 60 knowing quite well they won’t see the age of 60.

40: That was the least Adam could do, considering he really wanted to get some sex. Personally, I think he should have given up the rib, cooked her supper, drawn a bath, then given her a full body massage. Are you hungry? What time do you eat supper?

Whoa, hold up there! Did she just put the s-e-x word in a work email? I don’t care what kind of context it’s in, that’s just a big no-no. That would be like me emailing the FA with the words “backdate” or “insider info” to his work email. You just don’t do that kind of stuff.

And what’s with the “Do you want to have dinner?” questions without coming out and actually saying it?

Me: Tuesdays are usually busy, get home, let the puppy out, lift weights, and around 6:30 about six of my “friends” come over and we make tacos. More like acquaintances. I don’t think I’d really choose to hang out with them, they just kind of show up. And drink my beverages. Of course we make the women make the tacos. Gentlemen we are.

Taco Tuesdays mean rotten ass Wednesdays. Happens every time.

40: Well, have fun with that. If you leave at 5, stop over and I’ll walk out with you. After everything that went on in my deranged mind today—(so I could stay awake)—I should probably be embarrassed to talk to you!, but I had to do what I had to do, and I think I owe you a thanks! J

I said she was at a boring training during the day. She called her friend and asked what she could do to make it less boring. Her friend told her to think about sex. After she relayed this story to me I asked if I was any good – to which she immediately blushed, smiled, and nodded. I must be like a sex God in the eyes of women. In reality I don’t think I even remember how to do it. That’s why I have 18 hours of porn on my cell phone.

But what’s with the “I owe you a thanks”? What, was I supposed to get a kiss after work or something? I mean, this is work, it’s not like going out the back door of high school and making out (which I never did, late bloomer).

Another co-worker said she had the hots for me. And I heard she was asking around for my cell number. Why not just ask me? Being pursued by a 40-year-old co-worker is not something that I saw coming.

Can't say I don't mind it, though.