Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Basement Stairs

She was a big one. A heifer. Had to weigh a good 300 pounds. I took her in the basement hoping my mercy-fucking wouldn’t wake the Renter up. Actually, I’m not sure if I was doing the mercy-fucking or if she was; she was kind of cute from the neck up but God was she fat. There was just one problem: the basement steps. My basement steps take a right angle halfway down. I don’t know who built them but their construction is a bit shoddy. With every step she took the stairs creaked and groaned. Great, I thought, here I’m going to have some orca fall through my steps and I’m going to have some huge claim on my homeowners insurance. Was sex with this blimp-o really worth all that?

Actually, it was really just me carrying my new 90 lb dumbbells into the basement, one at a time of course. But those stairs certainly had me worried.

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