“What a Thrill!” by Kim Kardashian

“What a thrill!

Wow, the first night was exhilarating! The “DWTS” judges were super hard last night! Lots of the couples got tough scores… myself included! I don’t care at all, and totally plan to take what they say into consideration.”

Uh, what?

Really, what did she say? If she doesn’t care at all why would she take their opinions into consideration?

My letter to Kim Kardashian:

Honey, please, let me help you out here. As a former judge on the hit show DWTS (Dancing With The Sluts – The Horizontal 2-Step), I think my opinion should be both relevant to you and taken into consideration by you. While I didn’t exactly take in Monday night’s episode I can assure you my thoughts are valid based on my vast experience on this subject.

First of all, my God woman, those tits are fucking marvelous. Are they real? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such healthy looking fun bags. I can critique them in more detail after I closely inspect them in person. I’ll have my people contact your people to arrange this meeting.

Second, you have an ass that would make Beyonce jealous. It’s nice and round and curvy in all the right places and actually matches your boobs very well. The one thing I would be concerned about is if it widens when you bend over. You see, Dancing With The Sluts – The Horizontal 2-Step has had to be momentarily shut down in the past after contestants asses ballooned out to astronomical scales as they went to bend over or were on all fours. Don’t worry, after situating the contestant in a different position the show continued on but I just want to make sure that won’t be the case with you. So, if you could just send me a pic of you bending over, preferably in some kind of thong underwear, we can get that question answered.

I’m going to guess that you’ve been working out or something in preparation for the show because your legs have a goodly amount of muscle. You don’t have the long skinny legs of a model. Muscular legs are a must for when Dancing With The Sluts – The Horizontal 2-Step goes non-horizontal. (Kim - ?) Vertical, dear. Like when you’re on top. (Kim - !) Yes, the longer you stay up there the longer I can play with those fun bags. Giddy up.

Lastly, Kim, you’re fucking gorgeous. Yep, I said it, gorgeous. You have an excellent smile and beautiful overall facial features. Did I say facial? No, Kim, I’m not talking about one of your hoity toity Los Angeles spas. With your ample lips wrapped around my cock and those big peepers looking up at me I will most certainly orgasm, rather violently I might add, and might accidentally get some on your face. I’ll clean it up, no big deal, just wanted to warn you ahead of time.

Oh, and if you don’t know about what I’ve been talking about because you’re a rich/sheltered/snobby/dim witted biotch, well, you’ve got something cumming.

Sincerely,

B to the…