The Simple Life

No, I’m not talking about that stupid reality show with Paris Hilton and that bug-eyed ET looking chick. Although I must admit, I did watch that show a couple times just incase a certain someone’s skirt was a little too short and might reveal something but alas, it was network television. No ass. No beat off. I quit watching.

Last weekend I went to the old roommate’s parents’ cabin in the Oshkosh area. It was about two hours away, not that far driving wise but good golly, what a change in surroundings.

The first thing you noticed when driving through Red Granite, the closest “big” town to the cabin, was that “big” meant it had a gas station with saran wrapped sandwiches in it. Stop signs/lights were few and far between; so were the dilapidated barns and farm houses. For some stretches all you’d see would be trailer homes with the requisite 1989 Pontiac Firebird/Chevy pickup parked out front. I used to laugh at those kinds of people all the time. Now I’m wondering that they might have the right idea.

Don’t get me wrong, there were some very nice homes on the lake. I don’t need that. All I need is a log cabin. You can buy a wooded lot for $20,000 and build your house on that. You could come out with a nice little piece of property depending on how much you wanted to spend and how much you could do yourself. All that would be left would be to find a modest job (fun job out in the country!) or a job that you could work from home and you’d be set. Minor mortgage costs, little transportation costs if you worked from home, and the great outdoors in your backyard. Sure, you’d be going through cases of mosquito repellant and you’d have to buy a gun (watch out, mother fuckers) and a boat (pontoon boat would be just fine, with a secret hiding spot for the gun), but living a very modest lifestyle you could get by on $800 a month. $800 a month! And that includes a certain someone’s little drinking habit (ehem, b*llsh*t).

Now, I’m going to go way out on a limb on this one (and please don’t check my math). Say you had $200,000, you made 7% on that ($14,000), you paid a mixture of long and short term taxes (25%) (I’m not sure on that, Turbo-Tax does my taxes) which leaves you with $875 a month to spend. Of course your investments won’t always make 7% and a negative return year would have you running to the store for toilet paper every day but hey, my monkey math certainly makes it look possible. It would be a lot easier if you had $400,000 or $600,000 stashed away or if your roommate serviced half the town (male and female) in exchange for food. I’d die of a heart attack before my little wee-wee would make me any money.

All this non-sense talk is getting me excited. To think that, with revised savings techniques in the appropriate investments, this would all be possible in ten years has left me with a boner for the past two hours. Ten years is a long ways away. I don’t know how many hours that is but I’m sure it’s more than four hours. Better get on the phone with the doctor shortly here.