Memorial Day Drunk Fest

Memorial Day weekend turned out to be pretty nice weather-wise. We haven’t seen temperatures in the 60’s for quite some time now so when the it got up close to 80 you know where I was: sitting on the deck with a cooler full of beer. Ah, it was fucking awesome.

I ended up buying an 18-pack of Milwaukee’s Best Light on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. The guy at the liquor store gave me the same greeting each time but in the back of his mind I knew what he was thinking: this boy likes to party. That is, if drinking outside while you watch the Brewer’s game is considered partying then yes, I can party with the best of them. Oh, did I mention that I was partying by myself? One person stopped over for a bit but he doesn’t drink; all that beer was mine, MINE, MINE!

Actually, now that I look back on it, it wasn’t all that exciting of a weekend. I had a lot of beer, cooked $24 worth of ribs (needed a shower after eating those), made some burgers, hung out at the bar for a little. It was pretty low key. From what I remember at least.

After a good Saturday and a decent Sunday, the weekend culminated in an awesome Monday. I already told you that I bought 18 cans on Monday but I didn’t mention the 6-pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. At 12:30 it was already in the low-mid 70’s and the sun was out in full force. After I grabbed the 18-pack I continued to browse through their selection and decided on the lemonade. Nothing like a nice cold lemonade on a warm summer day. Plus I figured I could get the Renter to try one – and maybe pee on herself again. Hey, I had to give it a shot.

The lemonades were gone by 2:00. I got the Renter to taste one but that was it. The Brewers started at 12:30 and I tuned in during the second inning. Did I mention it was sunny? By the time the 11th inning rolled around (with the Brewers winning) I was a crispy critter. I had defined tan lines on my shoulders from my tank top and literally no movement other than my hand lifting a beer can to my mouth. Normally I tan pretty well but this was the first time my tender skin has seen this summer. I was red.

I was late to work on Tuesday. As I rolled over on my shoulder to turn off the alarm clock I knew I was in for trouble. I tried my best to hop in the shower but I just couldn’t do it; my shoulders screamed with pain no matter how hot or cold the water was. I ended up sticking just my head in the shower to wash my hair. All that sweat and odor from sitting out in the sun all day Monday; yeah, that went to work with me. I tried three shirts on before I found one that was somewhat bearable.

I’ll be more careful next time.

Yeah, right.

(Side note: I got a picture mail from one of my buddy’s on Monday. He had taken a photo of his big turd in the toilet and wanted to share it with me. He was pretty proud of it. “That’s what happens when you’ve been at a Memorial Day cookout all afternoon. And to think that was my second shit of the day!” Glad to see I’m wearing off on somebody.)