Thursday, January 03, 2008

Sally


Everyone, can I get your attention please. I’d like you to meet my girlfriend Sally. Sally and I met on Yahoo! Personals a couple months back and we’ve been rock solid ever since. When I saw Sally’s personals ad I knew we’d be a perfect match. Her heading “You can look 4 love in ALL of my places” roped me in right away. I just had to continue reading.

Welcome!

I have a life that I adore, with incredible friends, a fantastic family, an exciting career in the hospitality industry in which I believe I'm making a positive difference, and own a great condo in a fun area of The Bronx. I'd love to meet someone where there is a mutual attraction.

I feel like I should be totally honest however, because I do have some idiosyncratic faults. This morning, I woke up with my finger in my rump that I had (forcefully) placed there the night before. And it's bleeding. I guess that I've just become too lonely as of late. Is there any way you can understand those kinds of needs?

Also, I seem to be growing a cute little pot belly upon which I want to get a fairly large tattoo of the Pope on a Chopper. Popes (or any other tarted up, megalomaniacal, gay, pedophile rapist in a dress) are so cool. (I'm told that every alter boy in the Vatican loves to get his Papal rump ride, come Christmas.) Even my baby sister has a tattoo now. She said I need one too, to blend in. I can't open my eyes without seeing Tattoos (and chrome motorcycles) anymore. So they definitely make you cool by definition, no experience necessary. At least in my book.

I try to stay safe while I go speeding inattentively on the BQE in my slammed H3 with chrome spinner rims which I got my last boyfriend to buy for me. And the only bad thing about blaring 11,000 watts of Hip Hop during my travels is that it keeps me from being able to enjoy talking on the phone. Which I do whenever possible. Especially while I drive. Also, I have no patience for people who speed in school zones. I don't need the hassle of MADD sending me back to jail for no good reason.

But please keep in mind that I was raised in Oklahoma and am still a little bit country. I love blaring Dwight Yoakum in my ride too, on occasion. Especially while in the more urban parts of town where I go to buy my "party favors." I have a great need to show culture to the non-English speakers of New York (Ebonics ain't English though I DO want my children to be wiggers) as well as all the "Hispanics" from Brooklyn to Hoboken. Because life is a journey of learning, living, laughing and loving.

On the subject of my country roots, I am very well known in Texas for my mechanical bull riding skills. I win awards and prizes for it constantly. And while it is not the safest way in which to earn a living, I have never been hurt to this day. The only down side is that I am afflicted with a near-lethal amount of crotch scarring because of the spandex pants they make me wear. But a little makeup conceals everything. Except the stink.

I spend an inordinate amount of time in front of the television, BTW. Game shows, basketball, soap operas, MTV and Pro (AKA gay) Wrestling really turn me on. Not to mention Reality shows. Especially when I can watch them with some McDonald's in my belly! Happy meals really do have the magic ingredients to make a girl happy.

Would you be willing to be my "friend?" Can you trust me? Maybe give me some money to spend and buy me nice things along the way? I also like cake. I'm otherwise easy to please and very down to earth and honest and my friends describe me as a giver and I am shy at 1st but warm up quickly. I love to laugh and always see the glass as half-full and live life to it's fullest while I look for the One special man in my life.

Be it known that I am far too intelegent for my current work riding bulls and am in training to be a telemarketer for Sprint.

And please, no "real" sex until after we're married. My bunghole is however, pretty loose I'm told... And I'll let you smell my fingers.

Sally.



Sally, will you marry me?

No comments: