Lingerie Girl

Now that baseball is over there isn’t shit on TV. Sure, the NBA season started but who wants to watch multi-millionaires run up and down the court and throw punches like girls when they get into an altercation (did you see Carmelo last year?). Yeah, you gansta mother fuckers.

Wednesday (Halloween) was brutal at the bar. It was either Halloween H2O or a 20 point NBA blowout on TV. Painful. They were having pool leagues in back so that was out of the question. I asked the Renter if she wanted to go to the old Sunday Night Pool bar (why I feel like capitalizing that I don’t know) and she said yes. Ran home, grabbed the Wal-Mart pool sticks and off we went.

The bar wasn’t busy at all but there was something amiss. As soon as I walked in I saw it: a nice tight, perky ass in some lace underwear. I almost tripped over a bar stool. And then I remembered, they have lingerie nights at the bar. Dude, this chick was smokin’ hot, nice ass, tits out to here, and best of all, friendly as hell. The Renter and I made our way to the pool tables in back and the lingerie girl was on us like a black guy on one of the many fat white chicks I’ve dated (oh, there’s been a few, white chicks that is). She was trying to sell us raffle tickets or something, I’m not sure, I was five pitchers in at that point. Somehow I ended up with a raffle ticket and won a porn DVD that had a bunch of women with fake tits and nipples pointed in odd directions on the cover. Yeah, I’ll still watch it, might have to do it cross-eyed or something. Since I was pretty much beered out I had the Renter get me a rum and coke. Yippie-kay-yah mother fucker, $1 drink special!!! Needless to say I walked out of the bar without a dollar on me. And with a huge bonar. That chick was hot.

I’ll get pictures next time. I know you all like titties as much as I do.

(I must admit I have to be careful in those situations. Being the hornball that I am, combined with being perpetually loaded, I have to watch what I say. Usually in those situations I clam up not wanting to offend anyone. If I try to think of something funny to say it always comes out wrong. For example, if I tried to pay her a compliment like “You look nice in that outfit” it will come out like “Would you blow me in the bathroom for $20? No, how about $30?” Yeah, better off keeping my mouth shut. I told you I have a way with women.)