Photos/Heat

Low-profile tires on a Jeep? You gotta be kidding me. Awe fuck, just rawlfed all over my keyboard. That’s as bad as a cat raising a dog.


Get that damn cat!


Not exactly sure what "Freedoms are not free" means but I'm an idiot so it doesn't matter.

Yeah, I feel pretty bad for the Michigan football program since they lost to Div I-A Appalachian State last Saturday. Wait, what was that? Wisconsin took over their place at #5? Ok, I don’t feel that bad for them anymore.

Check out Louisville (-40) vs. Middle Tennessee State. I’m liking the Cardinals.

UNLV always gives Wisconsin troubles. I’d take UNLV +26.

But then again I took Florida State (vs. Clemson) on Monday so what the fuck do I know.

(I’m just putting this out there because I know the FA will spend at least a half hour researching both of these games now that I’ve pointed them out. Hour of your life, FA, GONE!)


It was freaking hot in my house tonight. Like 86 degrees hot. And humid. Even the basement, which is usually pretty cool, fuck, even that was hot. I sucked it up and got through the chest, back, and shoulder parts of the workout but the arms, legs, and sit ups will have to wait till tomorrow.

After the workout I went outside to grill some legs and thighs ($.89 a pound!). I took the garbage out, started the grill and noticed some bugs flying in the air. I figured they were just attracted to the deck light. I grabbed the meat and went back out only to find out that those little flying things were little baby blood sucking mosquitoes. What the...? I haven't seen a mosquito all summer long. So I hurried back inside, killed the few that followed me in, and got on the phone with mom. You see, I can't cook unless it's on the grill (or I guess the microwave). And even though mom can't cook in the oven (at least not well) she still knows more about it than I do. 86 degrees in the house and I have the freaking oven on. I don't even know how long this shit is supposed to cook or at what temperature or if it will even be eatable when I'm done with it.

Oh, the timer just went off. I guess "broil" means only the top part heats up. Guess I should have raised the rack up. Oh well. Hey, don't say you never learned something from this site besides how to properly crap your pants and masturbate with a condom on.

And my beers are getting warm every 15 minutes. Good thing I drink them in 15 minutes.

The sad thing is, well, maybe normal for most of you big spenders, is that I think I'm going to have to lock all the windows and (gasp) turn the air on. Over the weekend someone stole two of my brand new Wal-Mart folding canvas chairs. They only cost $10 a piece, no big deal there, but the fact that someone had to walk up eight steps to the top of the deck and then another 16 feet to where the chairs were located bothers me. Who the fuck has the balls to do that? Of course I didn't have the back motion-sensor light on (now I do) but seriously, fuck. And tonight as I was skinning the chicken (thighs are kind of fatty) a car pulled up behind the Renter's on the street and sat there for five minutes till my 80 yr-old neighbor shooed him off. Seriously, I don't have shit to steal in my house. The easiest thing to steal would probably be the Renter's massive 20" TV. I spend nearly all of my free money on beer and cheap vodka. I've already documented how to get in my house but there ain't any shit in it and if I happen to stumble upon you you'll have 230 lbs of furry comin' at ya (just like Cyprus Hill). I used to think my neighborhood was pretty safe but I'm starting to wonder now.

Message to any thieves: You better do you shit now if you're going to. I have a feeling about this new workout (as in I'm liking it). You don't want to come back in four months when I'm 250 (five lbs a month might be pushing it but I think I can do it). Oh, and I don't feel much pain after I've been drinking.