Eating Pussy

When the doctor gave me the prescription for the bronchitis inhaler she told me to ask the pharmacist for directions on how to use it. Five minutes earlier I had told her that I smoke. Uh, I think I can handle it.

Funny how what was intended to be an early night watching the Brewer’s game turned into a five hour balls-out drinking fest that ended at midnight. On a weekday nonetheless.

Having fat ugly chicks pop up as a match on Yahoo Personals is better than having no matches. At least the fatties give good head.

Speaking of fatties, how come fat comedians are always funnier than the skinnies?

How deep is “balls deep”? Doesn’t that depend on the size of the cock attached to the balls? Shouldn’t it be “dick deep”?


I still want a Big Black t-shirt (from Rob and Big on MTV).





I’m still in a state of disorganization since I moved back in to my bedroom. I used to have distinct piles of laundry on the floor; clean and dirty. Last night I got drunk (surprise) and mixed them all together. Not that it’s that big of a deal; I can always do the sniff test and figure out what’s what (or better yet, force the Renter to do the sniff test). Obviously that’s what I should have done this morning. After walking to City Hall today I got back to my office and sweated for a good 20 minutes. Around 3:00 I could smell myself. Not the bad body odor kind of smell. No, that’s too easy to cover up. No, my shirt smelled like I had left it in the wash machine for a week. I tried to cover up the moldy smell with some cologne but that didn’t do the trick. So there I sat in my office for two hours hoping that no one would stop by. Thankfully no one did.

I hear Michael Vick is trying to get less than one year in jail and the prosecutors want more than a year. And you all thought my bold predictions were way out of line. Who’s laughing now? Me! At the fat comedians! While the fat chicks give me head! ‘Cause that’s how I roll.

Why do nose hairs seem to have roots that go twice as deep as any other hair on your body? Seriously, I cry every time I pull one out.

FA’s friend out in Cali left a comment (I love getting comments!): B...I figured out the problem...you DON'T EAT PUSSY???!!! Are you insane? or just that selfish?

Eating pussy is just nasty. I’ve done it enough in the past to know that I really don’t like it. The first thing you notice when going down on a woman is the smell. You know, you think of women being all clean and shit but after sitting at work all day or attending classes all day in high school (ooo, young uns) they get that smell down there. I don’t even know how to describe the smell. Maybe musty (bear with me, it’s been a while)? Now that’s not to say that my junk doesn’t smell after a long day at work. Hell, some days I don’t even like to masturbate till after I’ve taken a shower. And then of course I have to take another shower because tugging and pulling at my penis leaves me panting and covered in sweat. Anyway, there is an odor that seems to rise from the female vagina. When you eat pussy you are usually positioned directly above said pussy with these odors rising directly into your nose. Be strong; throwing up on the pussy will most certainly result in you not getting any pussy. Not every pussy smells the same. I’ve had some pussies that were virtually odor free. I’ve had others that I could smell from three feet away in the missionary position. Yeah, if I can smell the pussy from that far away there’s no chance in hell I’m going down there. I even had to flip one girl over once when I was hitting it from behind and the pussy odor started wafting up to my nose. Pussy – odor – puke.

But of course you can’t stop there. You’ve slowly kissed every inch of her body from her breasts down to her belt line. Now you’re hovering over the pussy trying to suppress the gag reflex in your stomach. Now you have to – yeah, you know it – lick it. Lick it all over, especially hitting that little knob on the top of the pussy. Oh yeah, rub your face all over in that shit. That stuff you smelled just moments ago – all over your face. Now your face smells like a pussy. You know what? I can’t even go on with this. Just the thought of licking a twat makes me cringe. And seriously, for all you haters out there, NO I’M NOT GAY!!!