Savings Gimmick

I used to save $1 bills as a savings gimmick.I believe everyone has a little piggy bank or something in which to put their change. Well, I wanted to take that to a different level. So every dollar bill that ended up in my pocket would be stashed in my singles collection. On good nights of dice I could add up to 30 ones to the stash. Just before Christmas I had it up to $1,800 but then it dropped down to $1,600 as I gave my mom and sister a sleeve each because I didn’t know what the hell to give them. My mom actually said that she felt the richest she’s ever felt holding 100 one dollar bills (yeah, that’s my mom, nuff said). And then I found out that the cashiers at Potowatomi (local casino) could change $800 in singles to eight $100 bills in less than ten minutes. As you can probably guess, I don’t have $1,600 in ones anymore. To be more specific, I think I might have three one dollar bills in my pocket right now. All the singles are gone. Being a tight wad I have a long list of things I’d like to get like lounge chairs for the deck, a new entertainment center, a new TV, 80 lb dumbbells, 1.5” lift kit on the Jeep, a 21 year-old Hispanic hooker, a 21 year-old African American hooker (because “black hooter” just sounds derogatory); you get the point, it’s a long list. With that $1,600 I could have gotten all of the above except for maybe the hookers (you can’t find quality hookers for $100 anymore). But no, yours truly blew it all on the blackjack tables. Sucks dick. Not that I suck dick, but you know what I mean. Right?

Now I have come up with a new “save for a rainy day” method. Lately when I play pool at the bar, instead of going to the quarter machine with a buck or two I stick a $5 bill in. I usually don’t put $5 into the pool table (I do win sometimes) and end up going home sounding like Mr. T with his 50 gold chains clanging together. I then stick all the quarters into my lovely skull bank (complete with fake rubber eyes). (Used to freak out women who came over for the first time, well, back when women used to come over.) And let me tell you, the skull bank is getting heavy. The last time I took it to the bank there was something like $140 in it, $100 of which was just in quarters. Actually, I didn’t take it in; the Renter took it to her work and did it for me. But anyway, I think this is a much safer way of saving money as I can’t imagine walking into the casino with $800 in quarters. Hmmm, I wonder how much that would weigh…