Semi-famous - Almost

I like being semi-famous. Not that I am actually semi-famous, but I like to consider myself semi-famous. People know me. People might even actually like me a little but that’s debatable. Last night walking in to the bar I was greeted heartily by no less than a dozen people. One individual even grabbed my nipple; I think he might like me a little too much. People in the restaurant that’s attached to the bar know me but only because I trip on little kids in the hallway when I go to the bathroom (don’t worry, after I fall on them I usually give them a buck and they stop crying). Neighbors I don’t even know know me or know of me. “Walter, there’s that drunk guy again staggering down the street. You let the dog in, right? Last time he tried to fuck Fufu he didn’t even use a condom.” Semi-famous baby.

I used to go to George Webb’s sometimes. Alright, I used to go to George Webb’s a lot, enough that I recently needed to buy new pants. The staff at George Webb’s knew me. They knew my name, they knew what I ordered, they knew I was usually (always) quite loaded when I stepped in the door. If it was busy they would always put my order at the front of the line. Semi-famous baby, and I loved it.

Last night the Renter kindly drove to Taco Bell for me. Well, I don’t know if kindly is the right word. Somehow I ended up riding for two blocks on the hood of her car instead of in the traditional car seat. I would recommend not trying this at home. Anyway, the last time we went to Taco Bell the guy at the window recognized us and said “You guys again? Don’t you ever get sick of this place?” Yeah, semi-famous baby. So last night I was prepped and ready for some friendly banter with the window guy. The only problem? The window guy wasn’t there, it was some broad instead. I’m waiting for some comment on how often we go there or how much gas I get in the mornings (tons) and all I get is “Thank you, have a good evening.” Yeah, not so semi-famous.

Being emotionally fragile and lacking any form of self confidence, this was a major blow to my self esteem. I cried all the way back home. I felt like Dustin Diamond after they stopped shooting “Saved by the Bell.” I went from being popular with every man, woman, and elderly lady in my neighborhood (gum jobs = good) to just the average patron visiting Taco Bell. Not so semi-famous.

Tonight I’m going to get naked and streak every street in a 10 block radius and end up getting picked up by the cops 10 blocks from my house because that’s as far as I can run without stopping. But hey, I’ll be back to being semi-famous.