Chul Vista

Last weekend I stayed at a hotel/resort in the Wisconsin Dells called Chula Vista.  You may have read about it on here before, I tend to go there twice a year.  They have a winter special where you can have two people stay in a room for two nights for $200, $264 once they add on their crazy hotel tax.  A hundred bucks a night isn't a crazy deal for a hotel in the waterpark capital of the Midwest in the middle of winter, but when they add in the all-you-can-eat and all-you-can-drink stipulation, well, it's a downright steal.

 

Anyway, you can just imagine the fun that I have there, so much fun that a number of the servers and bartenders remembered me from the last trip in November.  I rarely even had to ask for a beverage before two were placed in front of me.

 

That being said, I don't remember much of the trip.  The one "high light" that still sticks in my head is me walking/stumbling back to the room, two beers in hand, a couple asking if I was ok, me passing them, looking to my left as I mumbled something unintelligible, and smashing my right hand beer into a wall, completely crushing the plastic cup, all the while not getting a single drop on myself.  I didn't even look back.  I knew what it was going to look like.  I put my head down and hurried back to the room where I found that in my haste I had spilled half of my second beer.  Talk about a glass half full (plus one full empty).

Carl Pavano

Carl Pavano made $8.5 mil last year and he ruptured his spleen shoveling snow in Vermont?  I know I'm cheap, never got my snowblower fixed after it broke down two years ago, but I'm pretty sure I didn't make $8.5 mil last year.  But then again I don't rely on my arm to earn a paycheck.  Just my intellect, go figure.

Texts

There comes a point in every night when people don't reply to your texts either due to them not wanting to reply, as in you've offended them, or they've gone to bed.  It's 9:00 and people have stopped replying.  I get the point.

Sickness

Ever since high school, if there was a bug going around, I would get it two weeks before everyone else.  Having my spleen removed later in life further ensured that any common cold that went around, I got it first.  I was used to this, came to take it for granted.

Two weeks ago at least a quarter of my co-workers were sick, as was the roommate.  I used this as a little excuse for myself; I had six beers a night, relying on what may be a myth that alcohol kills germs.  Surprisingly, I didn't get sick.

Until Monday, Martin Luther King Day.  It started as a scratchy throat.  By Tuesday I realized something was brewing down there and I stayed home from work.  When I got winded getting up to make a can of soup I knew I made the right decision to stay home. I felt better on Wednesday and went to work.

Almost immediately my nose opened up.  When my boss arrived in the morning I was blowing my breakfast out my nose.  And it only got worse after that.  By the time I got home my nose was red and raw from wiping snot all day.

Here it is Thursday, I'm sitting at home once again with snot covering my sweatshirt.  It's quite nasty, even with my lax standards.  Thankfully I have an understanding boss.  I'm kind of surprised she didn't get on my case for going to work yesterday.

I hope by Friday, day five, this whole thing will be past me.  Typically, even though I usually get the cold before everyone else, I tend to have a quicker turn around time to getting back to healthy.  Let's just hope that's the case this time.

Holiday Party/That Guy

We had our holiday party yesterday.  It started with bowling at 4:00 and then a bar with a shit load of fried food afterwards.  I ate a ton and drank even more.  And then some.  I ended up talking with the Executive Director of (confidential) for way too long.  Even had the audacity to rub it in his face (gentle ribbing) when I beat him in the shuffle board game.  Sadly, that is about all I remember of the night.  I was talking to everyone, hopefully not making an ass of myself, even walked a mile home at the end of the night, but that time with the big wig, I just hope I didn't say anything stupid.

Although I'm sure I did.

Ass Crotch

I have found that when you wear the same sweatpants to both lift weights in and sleep in, four days out of the week, towards the end they start to smell a little like ass.  Or is it crotch?  I don't know, they're two inches apart and I can't get my head down there to decipher which is overpowering the other.

Saturday Breakfast

Friend: Join me at [establishment] for breakfast?

I just had dinner, if you would call it that, eight scrambled eggs and I'm full.  Could do the same for breakfast tomorrow at the cost of $1.

Did I mention that I'm a cheap bastard?

The Last Fart

Some of us know the physical makeup of a fart, might have it down to a science, if you may.  The rule is you can only fart so many times before the origin of the fart rears its ugly head.  And when it rears its head, well, you better hope you're sitting over a toilet when it happens.  Or at least be in the comfort of your own home.

I forgot to poop at work today.  That doesn't happen too often, I like to use company resources for such events.  And with the cafeteria food they serve there, most days it's really not an option.  When you gotta go...

Today it slipped my mind.  I pooped at home before I lifted weights.  But then the farts came, more than likely brought on by the cafeteria food.  First it was one, then two, then ten.  Eventually I knew I couldn't fart anymore without the source of the gas making an appearance, but I had already pooped at home once, couldn't waste my own resources for yet another one.

Much better to shit myself the next morning and wake up with this soggy yet somewhat crunchy feeling in my shorts.

No wonder why my dog wants to roll in my lap.

Work Shoes

I haven't put these on for eleven days, but I'm kind of actually looking forward to getting reaquainted with them.  My alarm clock, on the other hand, can go to hell.

New Years Eve 2012

I'm sitting with five pounds of chicken wings, 20 oz of Frank's Red Hot Sauce, and more beer than I can possibly drink.  I couldn't think of a better way to spend a night in, especially on New Years Eve.

Unless I had lobster...

Laying Low

This is exactly what I will be doing on New Years Eve.

AM/PM

I'm actually surprised I've only had one am/pm experience in the last eight days since I've been on vacation.  (am/pm: when you wake up, after drinking heavily, and think it's 8:00 am when it's really 8:00 pm.)

Soup/Liquids

I just made this Bear Creek soup.  It called for 8 cups of water.  I'm not one to leave food go uneaten.  Along with the beer, there's an 80% chance I'll pee myself tonight.

I can see the single ladies (or married, I'm not picky) lining up outside my front door.

10lb Plates

The Roommate was nice enough to pick up some 10lb weight plates for me yesterday.  I have a little home gym in my basement, nothing special but it works.  I have a number of plates from 45's to 2.5's and dumbbells up to 90lbs.  So today I loaded up 135, 185, 205, 225, and 245.  I haven't done 245 in years, usually just lifting in the basement without a spotter.

Well, I did it, just once, I was a little scared to do more.

I'll turn 36 in three months.  Ten years ago I was benching 265 ten times on my second set.  Getting old.

But like I told my financial advisor, it's not worth getting injured trying to lift some extra weight, not when you sit behind a desk five days out of the week.

On another note, at age 36, my chances at an NFL career are slipping by.  Thank goodness for reality TV and my screen presence...

Shopping

I hope, and pray, that sending the Roommate out with cash and my credit card that I will get what I've really been hoping for, for Christmas, two 10lb weight plates.

Bricks & Barkey

I can't really say I like this stuff.  Thought I'd get something special for the holiday weekend.  I'll just stick to the regular light brew from now on.

Gruden on Twitter

"What's wrong with this world?"

I agree.

Street Lights

Oh goodness, I just called the City of Milwaukee because there were two lights out aroud my block.  Like they don't have better shit to do.  They must think I'm a prissy bitch.

And rightly so.

Bacon

I've got a pound of bacon on the griddle, who's living large now?

T-Bear

I have a friend who comes over every Tuesday for dinner.  This Tuesday he brought over the movie "Ted."  We had seen the previews on TV for weeks and thought it looked like a decent movie.  And when I read one review about the crass, homophobic, and generally lewd humor I just knew that it was going to be a hit.

And it was.  We laughed and laughed at each "beat up the Jewish kid" joke or "trailer trash name" for the girl Ted screwed on top of the produce (I now only refer to my friend with the suffix "Lynn" following his name).  I'm not going to say it was a timeless classic, but I'd definitely watch it again (and probably again after that, too).

But wouldn't you know it, you put an adorable stuffed animal/best friend in a movie, build up the plot line/relationship/friendship, and have something bad happen to the little guy… let's just say I had to wipe my face a couple times with my sleeve so my friend wouldn't see the tears in my eyes.  Did I mention the movie was "Ted"?  I know, fucking pussy.

I was an only child for 13 years of my life.  I'm not going to say I was a loser or anything, but I tended to enjoy playing by myself rather than attend birthday parties or play with other kids.  I had every Transformer, every G.I. Joe, all the He-Man characters, and an abundance of stuffed animals to play with.  My very favorite was always T-Bear.  I would dress him up in clothes (baby clothes were the only thing that fit him) kind of like how you would imagine a little girl would play with her dolls.  After writing/re-reading that sentence, I'm starting to figure out why I turned out the way I did.

I slept with T-Bear every night.  T-Bear went on every vacation with me.  T-Bear was loved so much that he had patches where his fur had worn off.  And now that I've grown up, just like the sad Pooh story, T-Bear resides in my closet, along with the Velveteen Rabbit and Henry, the big yellow dog.  But this holiday weekend I'll make sure he gets to come out and play for a bit, just like old times.