Do It Yourself

I have a storm drain and that is clogged and I have two friends coming over tomorrow to help me on clog it.  I am so handy at these do it yourself projects that I am surprised I get masturbation down right. The joys of home ownership.

10:00 Bedtime

Lately, I am really enjoying going to bed at 10 oclock.  I might wake up at 5:30 a.m. but then I still have 2 hours before I really have to get up to go to work. It's kind of relaxing knowing that I have time to spare in the morning and not having to listen to my alarm clock go off.  This might be a sign of getting old but I wish I had done it sooner. The days of staying up until 2 a.m. are definately in the past.

Marquette University Donation

I got a call from the Marquette University Alumni Association.  Appearantly they have students calling for donations.

Caller: Hi, I'm calling for the Marquette University Alumni Association.  How are you today?

Me: I'm ok I guess.

[The only reason I answered the call was because they had called ten times before.]

Caller: Can I ask about your experience at Marquette?

Me: Well, I didn't really like it that much.

[The cheery voice on the other end became hesitent.]

Caller: What about it didn't you like?

Me: I didn't really like the students, a lot seemed like stuck up rich kids.  Oh, and Calculus 3, God did that suck.

Caller: I'm sorry to hear that.  What was your major?

Me: Electrical Engineering.

Caller: Well, we've made a lot of changes recently including a new engineering building.  The reason I'm calling is to ask you for a donation to help students pay for their tuition.  Tuition is currently $32,000 and room and board can run up to $10,000.

Me: No wonder why student loans are becoming such a big problem.  Maybe you should stop building new buildings.

Caller: Would you be willing to donate $100 to our tuition fund?

Me: Have you listened to anything I've said?

Caller: Or maybe a lessor donation of $25?

Me: Sorry, I only attended your school for two years, I'm a UW-Milwaukee graduate.

Caller: Ok, sir, can we at least update your contact information?

Me: It's bad enough that you have my phone number.

Caller: Uh, ok, thank you.

$160,000 to attend fours years of college?  Heaven forbid if you change majors and it takes you five years.  That is just insane.  Your best bet would be to pay $1,500 a month for 15 years and live in your parents' basement.  That sounds really appealing.

Middle Class

I know Mr. Romney is from the east coast and Mr. Obama is from Chicago, but I don't know anyone who's considered middle class who's making $200,000 a year.  That's a shit load of cash.  Anyone agree with me?

If I was making that I'd be retired after ten years, but I live well below my income as it is.

No kids.

No student loans.

But you shouldn't have to live your life this way, I just choose to.

Puppy Pooping

Nothing like coming home from work and having a 7lb puppy with shit shmeared all over her ass beacause we gave her some steak on Tuesday steak night.  I felt bad.  Imagine sitting in your bed, not able to get out, and pooping where you sleep.  

Poor girl.  No more human food for her.

Target Return

So I put the Renter's plastic cup with a straw in it in the dishwasher.  I guess the heat bent the plastic straw so I was going to buy her a new one.  Found one at Target and bought it.

On the way out the door I noticed it was $11.  I'm not paying $11 for a plastic cup.

I went back in the store and stood in the return line.  An older woman walked in front of me and leaned on the wall.

Me: Are you in line for a return?

Old Broad: Yes.

Me: Do you know the line is behind me?

Old Broad: Yes.

Me: Do you have a problem with standing in line?  I'm sure they taught you that in kindergarten.

She scowled at me.

The Renter left the store.

I can't wait till I get older, I'll be such an angry old man.

WE Energies Inspection

The Renter and I took this week off from work.  If you figure in the Labor Day holiday it's ten days out of the office.  Not that we went anywhere, just chilling at the house.

I have mowed the lawn twice with this sudden rain experience.  I've washed and waxed the Jeep and made a beer run (if that is worth noting that's how often I've left the house).  Puppy got the darndest cute haircut, too.

A guy from the electric company stopped over yesterday to check on the basement equipment, just making sure there weren't any leaks.  He came to the front door and I immediatly let him in.  They had left a note on my door a couple months back about the inspection so I just wanted to get it over with.

I picked Puppy up and handed her to the Renter.  At that moment the Renter gave me the look, also known as the look of death.  I had completely forgotten it was her no pants day.  There she was in her bra and panties, me handing her Puppy and some dude from the electric company walking through my living room, right past the Renter.

As I walked to the kitchen I heard him give a brief "hi" to the Renter as he followed me to the basement.  Once we were done he asked to go out the back door, I'm guessing to avoid the half naked Renter in the living room.

After he left I had to say I was sorry to the Renter.  We've lived together for seven years now and I really don't pay attention to whay she's wearing.  Thankfully we were able to laugh about it afterwards.

But I'll bet the electric guy went home to tell his buddies a story.

Cockroarches

I have a co-worker who hasn't slept in her apartment in a week because she found two cockroaches in her place.  I had to spread nine print outs of bugs around her desk while she was out to lunch today.  It didn't go over too well.  I laughed my ass off, all that mattered.

Martian Peaceful Protest

At least they aren't brandishing ray guns.

Retiring Early

I think, lately, I've almost given up on my whole plan of retiring early.  The house should be paid off at age 48 but then, ugh, still have living expenses rolling in.  One can only hope that their investments bring in some returns.  I still think shit will get worse before it gets better.  Can only hope for the best and save as much as possible.

NIKE Huarache

Like the Renter, I have a bit of an affection for shoes.  I have pairs of the Jordan V's in both black and white (never been worn).  So, walking to City Hall one day, through the mall, I noticed they brought the NIKE Huarache's back out again (with a different sole, wtf).  These shoes came out in my second year of high school - also known as 1993.  I had to have them.  So thank you, NIKE, for remaking these shoes, nastalgic as they are, and for getting $68 out of my wallet, which is really hard to do unless the purchase includes the words "Milwaukee" and "Best."

Chicken Breasts

What might sound like something obvious, I would highly suggest NOT cooking a pack of chicken breasts after they've been frozen, thawed, frozen, and then thawed for a week in your refridgerator.

The end result will be an upset stomach and lots and lots of shitting.

Doesn't matter if you paid $9 for the chicken, DON'T EAT IT!

Sat Night

Anyone else want to enjoy a 30-pack and the movie "Goonies."

She Was Hot!

I usually have my front door open.  It helps with the air flow.  But tonight, after Puppy saw a dog on the sidewalk, "Good girl, Puppy, she's a hottie."

Meaning the woman walking the dog.

She stopped, walked back four feet and looked at me, through my front door, with a scowl.  

I guess she didn't like my comment.

Check on the Fridge

Text from the Renter.  Had me freaking out, like my beer was warm or something.

No, she put her car payment check on the fridge.

Trying to give me a heart attack?

The Open

I watched 11 hours of The Open on Friday (and yes, that was 3:00 am to 2:00 pm Central time).  I caught five hours on Saturday and most of Sunday.

My heart was racing as Adam Scott faultered at the end.  I felt so bad for the guy.  To put it lightly, he took a shit over the last four holes.

I, on my ninth day off from work, did the same.  I'm surprised I didn't shit myself on any of the previous eight days.  What I thought would be a clean fart ended up quite juicey.  I had to throw the underwear away.  It was bad.

I'm surprised my dog still sleeps in the same bed with me.

Rawhide

At 8:45, I'd be in bed right now, but Puppy is still working on a rawhide I gave her.  The things I do for my dog.  She better be ready for the early Sunday wakeup for the British Open.

Mom Getting In Touch

"Your mom really knows when to call you.  After you've been drinking, you talk to her for a long time."

I talked to my mom last night?

That's a Spicy Taco

In the restroom with the highest ranking person from the adjacent agency.

I walk in.

"Hi, how's it going?"

"Not too shabby, but then again, Friday's are always good."

"After all my years working I would have to agree with you."

[walking into stall] "I, uh, I had some spicy tacos last night..." [voice trailing off]

Squeak, ffffffftttttt, bawababawababawa.

Squeak.

I might never be able to look him in the eye again.

Corner Bar

As much as I lament the corner bar closing down and becoming a rather expensive Mexican eatery, combined with my new found passion for NOT going to the casino, I have more cash in my account than ever.  I'm loaded, bitches.  Well, as loaded as a middle class person with a 20 beer/night affection can be.  If you love something, make sure it will be there for you.

Still have to kick the bucket before Puppy...