Salt on the Sidewalk

If you knew me you would not find it odd that I meticulously shoveled my sidewalks around the $20 worth of salt I spread on them last week.

I couldn't just shovel the salt and toss it on the mounds of snow to the side.

Beer Theory

I'm currently trying to drink as much beer as possible on a Saturday to hopefully get sick of it by Monday.  Will keep you posted on the progress.

Mac N Cheese

I could not be a short order cook when it takes me 30 minutes (min?) to make Mac N Cheese.  I'd suck.

Non-alcoholic Beer

I know there's not a big market for this stuff, but for a guy who loves beer, just the taste of beer, man, this doesn't even compare to Milwaukee's Best Light.  Going from light beer to this water is a little rough, but all in the name of being a responsible adult...

And why does it cost twice as much?

Hobby

When I was a kid I used to have hobbies.  I used to race RC cars in my teens.  I'd save my paper route money and lawn mowing cash and buy $80 motors to make my $250 radio controlled car go faster, beating guys three times my age.  Back then, at the track, everyone was looking at the standings, figuring out championship implications up until the final week of the season.  I took home a lot of trophies.  I also cried on the way home a couple times.  I was one of those inovators, putting a foam tire on my father's drill press, spinning it to put a thin layer of silicone evenly on the tire as it spun around (think "Ghost," just not as sexy).  Used to pull wheelies off the starting line.  I'd change the oil in the shocks every week.  Turn to 2014, and I still have the factory battery in my 2002 Jeep.

But then I got a real job at the movie theater (theatre?), making $3.75 an hour.  Minimum wage.  Which was ok as I was just a kid, but it was quite different from slinging papers from a red wagon or walking behind a lawn mower on a Saturday when I had nothing better to do.  The whole RC car racing thing kind of went to the wayside.

Then there was the whole basketball thing.  Being 6'4", somewhat athletic, I was a darn good YMCA player.  I was a gym rat, dunking, hitting 3's like they were free throws.  But all that left me was with a coupld bad knees.

The one hobby I have, if you consider it a hobby, is lifting weights.  I guess I've spent a lot on weights, having dumbells from 25lbs to 90lbs, but those costs offset having a monthly gym membership.  The good thing about lifting weights is the whole recovery period.  You can/should only lift weights so much a week.  Muscles only grow when you're not using them.

Now I'm 36 with no hobbies.

A co-worker asked me if I do side jobs, like taxes for other people.  For the past three years I did my mentally challenged friend's taxes, for the small price of beer, but since I haven't received any beer for my services I think I'm done with that.  So no, I don't do any side jobs.  Except for maybe my old job, whose accountant, my replacement, recently quit.  Guess she couldn't handle all the debits and credits.  Cake job as long as the funding was available.  And if the funding was available I slept well at night.

And now, 1.5 years in to my 15 year mortgage, I really can't imagine having a hobby that would cost me $80 for a motor or $40 for a battery pack.  Actually, now, 20 years later, they have "brushless" motors and batteries than can blow up your house if you don't charge them correctly.  I've seen videos of RC cars doing flips off the line, let alone wheelies.  And they have performance info sent to cell phones now, way to complex for my liking.

In short, I can't wait for baseball to start again.  Six/seven days a week I know that I have three hours of stuff to do (if you call watching TV something to do).  And assuming the weather cooperates I can watch most of the games outside.

Till then, my hobby will be saving money.  As good as that is, though, it does get tiring.

Zipper

I never should have told the Roommate that I spent over two hours at work on Wednesday before I noticed my fly was open.  Now my house it littered with these reminders.  Sheesh.

Marley and Me

For some reason I watched that movie again, 45 minutes of balling my eyes out.

Calculator Tape

I found out this week that for the past 15 years I put the calculator paper in the wrong way.  I always put it in like toilet paper, dispensing it over the roll.  Guess I have an affection for toilet paper.

Poop

With these freezing temperatures, if you can call negative degrees freezing (or ultra freezing?), my dog does not want to go poop outside; takes too long.  So tonight, while doing three day old dishes I caught a whiff of poop stench in the air.  It might have been the old crusty dishes but I did a look around the floor for any surprises she might have left me.

But I didn't find any.

I determined it was my farts causing the hideous odor.  Yes, my farts smelled like dog shit.

I was too lazy to actually check my drawers before I went to bed for any remnants.

The Roommate wonders why the dog smells all the time.

Over/Under

I don't know what the over under was for the Chiefs/Colts game, but I'd bet the farm it's over the total.

PJ Hairston

You gotta wonder how much PJ Hairston received in benefits for UNC to not even try to get him reinstated.  And you gotta wonder where the Hairston's attorney went to college after releasing an official statement from the family with horrible use of the English language and spelling errors.  "Collegate?"

NBA Christmas on ESPN

Do you really want Snoop Dogg, who's well known for smoking weed, advertising for the Christmas NBA games, whose players are also well known for smoking weed?  Someone should have thought this through better.

#2

I know when it's coming.  Maybe a little discomfort in the tummy area.  At the end stages, a little sweat down the buttcrack.  That usually means it's time to go.

Molly woke me up the other day panting.  I thought she might want something to drink so I let her out of my bedroom and took her to her water bowl.  That wasn't the case.  It was kind of odd that she was up at 4:30 in the morning, well before we usually get up.  So I coaxed her back under the covers and rubbed her until we both fell back asleep.

Poor girl.  When we got up and I took her outside she took the biggest Hershey Squit I've ever seen her do.  I looked at the Pick N Save bag in my hand and knew it was no match for the mound of chocolate pudding she left in my neighbor's front yard.  There was nothing for me to do but kick some snow over the pile of Jello pudding and walk on.

And to think, after six years of living together, I've never been given the "I gotta shit" signal from my dog.

And I just described her poop with three food-like substances.  Enjoy.

Eyeballing

If that's not eyeballing someone I don't know what is.

Naked Neighbor

I was walking my dog around the block last week like usual before I got ready for work.  Three quarters of the way around I saw my neighbor's dog in his front yard without a leash on.  This isn't unusual, but usually he's at least outside with his dog and not just letting it run free.  So I looked up to his house expecting to see him standing outside his front door with a cup of coffee.  It was pretty cold out so I wasn't surprised to see him standing inside his house, standing in the doorway.  I raised my hand to waive as he and I are pretty chummy.  But instead of waiving back, he lowered his hand and turned sideways.

Yes, my neighbor was butt ass naked.  I laughed all the way back to my house.

Aaron Rodgers Shoulder

I guess I pulled on my penis too much last night, my forearm was too sore to do pullups and back exercises today.

I hope Aaron Rodgers' should is feeling better than my forearm.

12-pack

So I was talking with my new neighbor today, real nice guy and all. A little chatty but a nice guy overall.  But then he told me a story about him sitting in his back yard.

Neighbor:  Hear that?  (beer can opening)  That's 12-pack.

My neighbor nicknamed me 12-pack.

What greater nickname!

And he soooooo underestimated my abilities.

Two Layers

On a cool 48º day, Molly has two layers on.  She's still probably doggie swearing at me for making her sit outside with me.

New Job Post

It's coming, soon, the post about my new job.  I promise.

NCIS Miami

Does LL Cool J have a Barry Bonds-like head or is it just me?