ESPN Hooters Brackett

Who let the camel toe on the chick on the right get through the promotional materials?  Or do I just have a good eye for camel toe?

Eggs for Dinner

Who makes six scrambled eggs for dinner?  This guy!  Cheaper than a $10 pizza from Pizza Hut.

Married Freinds

I called the FA tonight around 10:00.  Granted, I was on my third stint of drinking for the day (started at 2:00 AM), but after several texts I just wanted to hash out some March Madness plans. Typically, the Renter, the FA and I will hang out at Champs in Brookfield, WI, for at least the first four hours of the opening day of the college basketball tournament.  But this year we have an ailing friend in Chicago and might go visit her instead.  Anyway, always single B to thee... thinks nothing of calling a friend at 10:00 PM while my married freinds are settling down for the evening with their wife and kids.

I'm so glad I don't have a wife.  Or kids.  But props for those who can deal with all that.  More than I could handle.

AM Or PM?

As I'm chastising my dog for getting me up before 8:00 AM, the Renter informs me it's 8:00 PM and I have the opportunity to get drunk for yet a third time on this seemingly never ending day.  Sweet.

So Much Info

I hate it when I have so much info in my head but I'm too drunk to convey the message.  I'm the smartest drunk guy you'll ever meet.  Hands down.

Pompous

I didn't mean to sound pompous in the last post.  I work hard to keep my expenses at a minimum.  I'm wearing $10 jeans that I bought three years ago at Old Navy.  I drive a 10 yr old Jeep Wrangler.  My dentist wants me to visit him every 6 months but I put it off for a year and a half.  Sadly, the same goes for the Puppy.  My biggest expense, besides the mortgage, would probably be beer, but I can't realistically cut that out of the budget, at least not right now.  Maybe when I grow up a bit, or grow older, or when the liver calls in sick.  Man, lot of commas in those last two sentences.

As it is, 4:00 am, I'm wide awake and watching an old 007 (James Bond, duh) movie.  But I shoveled the four inches of snow we got, hope that's the last of it.  My heart can't take much more.

Roth IRA

I'm not a 1%er.  I have a $800 snowblower that ran out of oil that I've put off getting fixed (while my grandfather died shoveling snow).  My dishwasher won't drain so I've done the dishes by hand for the past six months (gasp).  The tires on my Jeep are 10 years old and have major signs of dry rot.  I've lifted weights in my basement for two years now verses paying for a gym membership.

But I've always scraped up $5,000 to send to the FA for the yearly Roth IRA contribution.  I used to think that was the best option.  But after talking with some of my older and (hopefully) wiser friends, I'm thinking this is not a good decision.  Why pay taxes now on the $5,000, when I'm paying taxes on my income, when I can pay 15% on the $15,000 I'll need a year once the house is paid off and all I do is play golf for six months out of the year?  When, if, I retire, I won't be in a higher tax bracket than I am now.  Why pay the taxes now?

And I just mailed my federal tax return yesterday.  Will have to do an amendment.

Vacation Day

Have you ever requested off from work, gotten it approved, but yet you still have this lingering feeling that your boss will call and possibly ask you to come in anyways?

This will linger over my head all night.  Good luck getting a good night's sleep.

Khloe and Lamar

I know the NBA had it's lockout and all, but how bad does it get that you have to be on a reality TV show where your wife's name is the first one listed?  I once got a picture frame from a girlfriend with "Shana and B to the..." inscribed on the bottom.  I threw it away. The guy's name always comes first.  That's just how it is.

Wait

wair five years, I'll be 18.

Movie reference from...

Here Piggy, Piggy, Piggy

I bought this today.  12 pounds of ham.  It's as big as my head.  Now I just have to figure out how to cook it.

Bucks Raffle

A bar that I frequent had a drawing for suite tickets to the Bucks game last Saturday.  I got there late, 7:55 to be exact, and had one ticket in the drawing.  They pulled the winner a little after 8:00.  They pulled my ticket.  The bar went silent.  I couldn't believe it.

I'm not the biggest Bucks fan.  I've watched more NBA this year than in years past, but not really Bucks basketball.  The whole Lin thing and this thing the Heat are doing down in Miami, captivating.  But these suite tickets, free food, free beer, why wouldn't I go?

I walked to the Bradley Center after work on Monday.  I was supposed to meet my friend at 6:00.  I thought about hitting a bar by the arena but figured why, there's free beer waiting for me.  I just got my nicotine fix while I waited for him.

We got to the suite.  The Miller Lite Home Court.  They checked our coats.  They gave us bracelets with three pull tags for free beer.

My friend and I looked at each other.  It was not indeed the true sense of free beer.  In a suite.

We got there at 6:00.  6:45 I went to the bar, out of free beer tabs, and paid for beer.  $6.50 a piece.

We left after the first quarter.

We walked by the Hyatt hoping to find a cab and got one.  After splitting the cab fare and buying a pitcher each at the bar that gave us the tickets we had both gotten closer to home and secured more beer than we would have gotten at the game.

Might have been the last Bucks game I'll ever go to.

Sorry Potawatomi Casino

On Saturday I won two tickets to a Bucks game, a suite even (more on that later).  They had a raffle and I won with a single entry.

Feeling lucky, the Renter and I thought a trip to the casino, with my newfound luck, might actually pan out.  We both went to the ATM and headed East.

Somewhere on the way there I pissed the Renter off and I ended up at home.  At least I didn't lose any money at the casino.

I took the $20's from the ATM to the bank today.  On the way out I stopped by one of the customer service reps.

Me: Is there any way to change the amount available from using an ATM?

Cust Serv Lady: Typically most accounts have a $500 daily limit.

Me: Yes, I know, but can I change that?

CSL: Would you like to increase it?

Me: No, no, I'd like to take it down to about $100.

After 2-3 minutes on the computer...

CSL: You said $100?  Just sign here.

Me: Thank you, this will keep me from going to the casino when I'm drunk.  I won't go to the casino with just $100.

CSL: No,you want to keep your money.  I hope this works for you.

Feeling like I just had a five minute intervention: Thanks, I'm sure it will.

This will seriously save me at least $2,000 a year, probably more than likely $4,000.

Peed Myself

I went to a friends house, peed myself, shed my pants and underware, got new pants, and continued drinking.  I swear, my friends must love me, because who would put up with that?

Friday Frustrations

After a rough day at work, and a 17-0 run by the Magic over the Bucks (to end the game, guess the result of that), somebody decided to take his frustrations out on his financal advisor about some rather confusing tax statements that came in the mail.  Thankfully, very aware of my situation (some would say I drink enough for three people), the FA gently put me back in my place and wished me a good night.

Words of wisdom: don't text your financial advisor with complaints (more like concerns in my case) after you've consumed X amount of beers.  I'm very fortunate that the man who handles $X,XXX,XXX amount of money for me is also a very good friend of mine.

(There might have been an extra X or two in there.)

Wallet on Sale

If you had a wallet that you really, really like, and you found the exact same wallet in a store that had a buy one get the second half off, and you had a 30% discount meaning both new wallets would cost $25 ($12.50 a piece) would you buy them knowing full well that these two new wallets are going to sit in a drawer for five plus years?

(This is the kind of shit that will roll around in my head for hours.  Seriously, $25.  On the other hand, I have absolutely no problem spending $25 at a bar on a Saturday night.  I'd actually be lucky if that's all I'd spend.)

600-SAN

I get it, you drive a Jaguar, you have Harvard plate holders, but that doesn't mean you can drive like a dick.  I'll keep you on my radar, especially when I have the summer tires on that stick out past my fenders.

Chorus, "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Those were my 16 friends singing, and I thank each and every one of them.  Till tomorrow, my friends.  Just another day.

Digiorno Pizza

It's 9:00 and I have to wait 23 minutes till my Digiorno pizza is ready.  While I'm ready for bed right now.  7:30 am meetings wear on you.

Conference Call

I had a conference calL at work this week.  It involved myself, a co-worker, a person from outside my office who was in the neighborhood, and a governmental agency on the other end of the line.  The three people mentioned were all in the same room.

Earlier in the day the conference call phone wasn't working.  Our awesome IT guys got it up and working shortly after.  Around noon I went to the room with my cell phone to test it out.  I called the number, the phone beeped and I answered it.  Everything seemed to be working just fine.

Co-worker:  Is the conference call phone working now?

Me:  I was just down there and I called it from my cell phone and it worked.

Co-worker:  Who answered it?

Me:  I did.

Co-worker:  How did you make the call and answer it?

Me, with both hands at my ears:  I called it with my right hand and answered it with my left?

Co-worker:  Let's have [guy at work] go see if he can answer it.

Seriously, this was about answering a phone.  The guy who fixes most things in the office (me) can't be relied upon to answer a phone.

Two minutes before our conference call was suppoed to start I decided to test it out again just to be sure it was working.  The governmental agency was calling us so I wanted to make sure an incoming call would go through.  I dailed the number on my cell phone.  The conference phone rang.  I hit the answer button on the conference phone.

Me:  Hello?

My voice came back at us over the conference phone, with about a second delay.

Me:  Hello?  Wow, there's quite a delay there.

Co-worker:  B to the..., stop that, I can't hear.  Hello?

Me, sitting right next to said co-worker, with my cell phone to my head:  You do know that's just me testing it, right?

????????

I later sent an email to the third person who was in the room:  Kind of cruel, but how many "Hello's" do you think we would have exchanged if I had continued my test call?

Third person:  You need to get on with your day, but I didlaugh out loud after reading this.

At the end of the day, I still bring it.