Coaching Carousel

I know this is the time of year where small school coaches that made the Big Dance get swooned by large colleges with even larger contracts. I've heard a couple rumors floating around out there that I can pretty much squelch. Marquette coach Buzz Williams will not be leaving for a bigger school. 2-3 years ago he built a 12,000 sq ft house in a suburb of Milwaukee. I mean, his master suite is bigger than my whole house. These coaching contracts are for big bucks but can you imagine what little demand there is for a house that size in Milwaukee?

Andy Katz, tell them you heard the story here first.

March Madness/Trip to Chicago

This past weekend The Renter, another friend and I made a trip to Chicago to see some friends. Funny thing is, besides all the basketball games we took in, our friend's house was just like mine in the summer; people stopped over all the time, unannounced. And it was a great fucking time. Coming home, after all that human contact, well, kind of sucked being home. But on the good side summer's almost here, Brewers will be starting soon, and hopefully things will turn around on a brighter note. Hell, if the sun's out it's gotta get brighter.

Dear Mr. Sheen

Thank you very much for the invitation to the house warming party at your new mansion. From the picture I've seen the place looks fantastic! However, as much as I would love to attend, I have to respectively decline.

I know the party will be a blast, even if it were just you and I. And four professional working class ladies, of course. And trust me, I can hang with the best of them when it comes to boozing it up. You and I would be like two peas in a pod. Burt and Ernie. Jordan and Pippen. Natalie Kenly and Rachel Oberlin (your godesses do look nice, like bookends). But to be honest, I don't make the brightest decisions when there are booze and women involved. Booze and sports, no problem. Those go hand in hand. While there might be four naked women in your living room, if you happen to mention, even in jest, that there are two more ladies at the top of those steps out back, I won't think twice to climb those and take a gander. I mean, eight boobies and four more makes an even dozen, right?

The problem here would be me getting down from those steps. I can almost guarantee you the trip down would be much, much faster than going up. I would end up landing on my head when I would miss the first step. With all the press you've been getting lately I know it wouldn't look good to have someone die on your property.

So again, thanks for the invite. Hit me up next time you're in town.

Horizon League Championship, Part 3

Fucking game is on Tuesday. My financial advisor advised me. I'm a dolt.

Horizon League Championship, Part 2

I've been looking forward to the Horizon League championship game all day. UW Milwaukee, Butler, should be a good matchup. My phone told me it would be on ESPN. It's not. Now I'm just steaming hot, not being able to watch the game. Even fired out a hot text to my financial advisor, like he could do anything about it. Fuck Sprint. Fuck ESPN. Stick it in my ass.

Horizon League Championship

UW Milwaukee, the wonderful college I graduated from, is hosting Butler tonight in the Horizon League championship game. I almost made it to Saturday's game but my dinner plans ran late (to put it nicely). The only problem here is that it's a 8:00 game. On a Sunday. Really? I have eight hours to kill before tip off. It's not like a 8:00 game on a week night where I'll get home, lift weights and crack open the first beer at 6:30. No, it's noon and the Milwaukee's Best Light is already beckoning to me. Hopefully I'll be able to at least catch some of the game and see the Panthers punch their ticket for the Big Dance.

Malibu Rum Punch

I don't know if the Malibu Rum Punch gave me the hangover or the 20+ beers I had last night but it's 2:00 pm and my head's still throbbing.

Milwaukee's Best

My favorite/cheapest beer that I can find in the quantities that satisfy my soul just went up 8%. I know gas prices have gone up more than that lately but to be honest, this 8% increase will hit my wallet harder.

Probably best that I don't drive that much.

How Could You?

Some guy, a shelter worker, put two shots in this stray dog only to find it alive the next day. Gut wrenching story, check it out on Yahoo!.com.

One Would Think...

...with one 30 pack in the fridge on a Wednesday night, I'd be able to span that out over two days. Till payday, like most Americans.

Not the case. 21 down on Wednesday meant I had to pick up a twelver on the way home tonight. So goes my life.

3/3/2011 FOX Sports Most Popular Stories

1. Report: Davies dismissed for having sex.

2. Player on hoops team stabbed to death; roommate charged.

Is the end of the world around the corner or what?

BYU Honor Code

BYU's honor code requires students to live a life of chaste and virtuous life, be honest, abstain from alcoholic beverages, tabacco, tea, coffee and subastance abuse, and attend church regularly.

I wouldn't last one week there.

But our soon to be college basketball player of the year, Jimmer Fredett, isn't getting his jimmer jammered every other night...

Just un-American.

Carson Palmer, $80 Mil

Carson Palmer, Cincinnati's quarterback: "I have $80 million in the bank. I don't have to play football for money."

He's 31 years old and has played professionally for 9 years. And he doesn't want to play for the team that he's under contract for the next three years at $11.5, $13, and $14 mil.

I'm 33 and I've worked professionally for 13 years and don't have anything near $1 million, let alone $80 million.

If you don't think there's going to be an NFL lockout you're greatly mistaken.

Before/After, Shoe Room

Text message to my financial advisor: I might drink and pee myself once or twice a week but I still managed to put this together while half in the bag.

Stan Van Gundy/Ron Jeremy

Watching the Orlando Magic play Friday night:

Renter: Why does their coach look like a cleaned up version of Ron Jeremy?

Me: You didn't know that they're brothers?

Renter: Really?

Talking sports with the Renter is always an adventure.

Creature of Habit

I'm not a big clothes kind of guy (I'm also hinting here that I'm not gay if you can believe that). I don't buy expensive designer items; my favorite store is Kohl's. My favorite t-shirt I got for free eight years ago, a 2002 youth softball league shirt, number on the back and everything. Having never played a game of softball in my life I have to lie when people ask me about it. "Yeah, I coached third base" when I just want to get to third base with the woman who asks me about it in the grocery store.

I've come down to my five favorite "outfits" for work (fuck, I said "outfits"). I wear the same five o's to work every week. I know I should switch it up. I have other clothes to wear, I just don't like them that much.

But it gets worse.

I wear the same five o's on the same five days every week. Monday is tan pants, red shirt. Tuesday is blue pants, blue/yellow shirt. If you came to my office on a casual Friday I'd be wearing a company shirt and jeans. Like clockwork.

I also havn't washed said clothes in over two months. I work in an office so it's not like I get sweaty or anything. Recently I've noticed a rather musky, manly smell coming from them when I put them on in the morning so I'm guessing they're about due to be washed.

My home attire schedule varies slightly from my work attire madness. Instead of having five o's, I have one. I've worn the same jeans, t-shirt and sweatshirt every night after work (assuming I'm not going out). I lift weights, shovel snow, lounge around, all while in these clothes.

I haven't washed these in two months either.

Caught With My Hand In The...

I heard there was a new chick at the business next to my work. I didn't think much of it, till I saw her heading for the elevator after I had already boarded.

Her [running to the doors as they were closing]: Oh, oh ,oh!

Me: Just tick you're arm in there, no big deal.

In her view as the doors were closing I stuck my hand in the six inch opening.

Me: Ah, no, my hand!

I pounded on the door with my free hand.

Me: Help! Help!

The doors opened, as usual. She stood there with her mouth open.

Me: This elevator is pretty tame, no big deal.

She stood there looking at me as the doors closed. Guess she didn't find my act funny.

Super Bowl Setting

After spending $35 at the bar on Friday I decided to pick up six 30 packs of Milwaukee's Best Light on Saturday. Much cheaper than going out. So, when it came down to where I was going to watch the Super Bowl I chose home. 58" plasma, a puppy, and a Renter who's rooting for the Steelers. So far, half time, the game is going well as I live in Wisconsin. I myself prefer an old school half time performance but that white chick on the Black Eyed Peas can suck my dinger any time she wants. For free, even. Hopefully the second half goes as well. Go Packers.

Oh, and befor the game the best we could find on TV was a Jersey Shore marathon, hence the Renter pic wearing sunglasses indoors

Old Habits, New Methods

I don't follow as many blogs as I used to but one of them is Jason Mulgrew. I like to give him shit every once in a while for not posting as much as he used to. And he and I seem to have at least one thing in common.

My email:

I'll give you a little slack on the lack of posts lately, but being a man of similar tastes as mine...

I've been without (new) porn on my phone ever since Limewire went down. I know, Limewire, a thing of the past, but as you can see I still use Hotmail. Of course there's Redtube (which I first heard of from you, thank you), but I'm looking for that high quality, downloadable good shit that these new smart phones were surely invented for. I have 18 hours of porn on my phone but it's getting a little old, kind of like dating a girl for three months and and you've litterally had sex with her every one ofthose days, one of those loosey goosey chicks that never says no. So I'm in the "out with the old, in with the new" mode, looking for new material. If you could throw me a bone (ha!) and toss me a free website or two (that don't have viruses or STDs) that you might happen to browse from time to time I'd greatly appreciate it.

Feel free, with your posting dry spell, to use this on your blog if you want.

Jason's responce:

Oh, enough with the not-blogging talk. I've started a new one that I'll be releasing to the public shortly. As for porn, two sites and two sites only: Redtube and Pornhub. They make me happy.

Best,
Jason

Just keeping up with the blogging peeps.

Snow Removal/Snow Blower

As everyone knows already, most of the Midwest was hit with a monster of a snow storm. We got about six inches Tuesday morning. I woke up early and got the snowblower running. Everything was going well untill the engine started smoking and shut off. In my early morning state (not fully awake and certainly hung over), I didn't think much of it. Maybe something got caught in the augers or something. I put the snow blower away and finished up with a shovel.

When I got home I changed clothes and went out to the garage to take a look at it. I didn't find anything that was obviously wrong with it. But then I went to start it. I couldn't get the engine to budge. No matter how hard I pulled I couldn't get it to rotate. Then I checked the oil. Over the summer I noticed there was a wet mark under it but I figured it was just leaking gas. Stupid me didn't consider that gasoline would have evaporated. Sure enough, when I checked the dip stick there was little evidence that there was any oil in the tank. My engine was shot, just in time for the biggest snow storm in a decade.

I knew I had off on Wednesday so I stayed home Tuesday night and pounded beers. It was snowing but nothing too serious. I figured I'd just wait till the morning and take my time shoveling snce I didn't have anything else going on.

I woke up Wednesday morning and went to take the dog out. I opened the inside door and pushed on the outside door. To my surprise, just like the snow blower engine, it didn't budge. There was two feet of snow blocking my way. I went to the back door and as able to wedge my way out. Puppy went about five.feet and peed on my snow covered deck. One minute later she was pooping by the garage, quite possibly the fastest I've ever seen her poop. She didn't want anything to do with all the snow.

Around 11:00 I went outside to shovel. It was plenty cold out so the snow was fairly light and fluffy but there was a lot of it. There were drifts by the Renter's car but I figured they were just drifts; all my sidewalks couldn't possibly have the same amount of snow, right?

As I worked my way down the driveway I found out I was wrong. My sidewalks were covered knee deep I snow. The Renter had a girlfriend sleep over so there were three of us shoveling but still, it was a daunting task. I vaulted one drift that went all the way up to my balls. After an hour and a half everything was cleared and I bought the ladies lunch.

My snow blower was only two years old and set me back $800. Since its practically brand new, sans working engine (it still has those little nubbies on the tires), I went online to find out how much new engines cost. Without the exact model number handy I did a basic search for Tecumseh 6 hp models. I found a couple models for $250-$300. That was far, far less than I had expected. A hell of a lot better than $800. I called a friend of mine and he sad it shouldn't be too hard to swap out the old one and install the new one. It's not like we'd be taking everything apart (pistons and such), just replacing the engine. I'm almost certain I could do it myself but my friend is much more handy than I ever will be. I figure it will take us about two hours since everything is still fairly new and clean.

Two hours this summer.

I'm punishing myself by not getting it fixed till this summer. I will be shoveling snow for the rest of the winter. Maybe next year I'll actually make sure there's oil in the tank.