Snow Removal/Snow Blower

As everyone knows already, most of the Midwest was hit with a monster of a snow storm. We got about six inches Tuesday morning. I woke up early and got the snowblower running. Everything was going well untill the engine started smoking and shut off. In my early morning state (not fully awake and certainly hung over), I didn't think much of it. Maybe something got caught in the augers or something. I put the snow blower away and finished up with a shovel.

When I got home I changed clothes and went out to the garage to take a look at it. I didn't find anything that was obviously wrong with it. But then I went to start it. I couldn't get the engine to budge. No matter how hard I pulled I couldn't get it to rotate. Then I checked the oil. Over the summer I noticed there was a wet mark under it but I figured it was just leaking gas. Stupid me didn't consider that gasoline would have evaporated. Sure enough, when I checked the dip stick there was little evidence that there was any oil in the tank. My engine was shot, just in time for the biggest snow storm in a decade.

I knew I had off on Wednesday so I stayed home Tuesday night and pounded beers. It was snowing but nothing too serious. I figured I'd just wait till the morning and take my time shoveling snce I didn't have anything else going on.

I woke up Wednesday morning and went to take the dog out. I opened the inside door and pushed on the outside door. To my surprise, just like the snow blower engine, it didn't budge. There was two feet of snow blocking my way. I went to the back door and as able to wedge my way out. Puppy went about five.feet and peed on my snow covered deck. One minute later she was pooping by the garage, quite possibly the fastest I've ever seen her poop. She didn't want anything to do with all the snow.

Around 11:00 I went outside to shovel. It was plenty cold out so the snow was fairly light and fluffy but there was a lot of it. There were drifts by the Renter's car but I figured they were just drifts; all my sidewalks couldn't possibly have the same amount of snow, right?

As I worked my way down the driveway I found out I was wrong. My sidewalks were covered knee deep I snow. The Renter had a girlfriend sleep over so there were three of us shoveling but still, it was a daunting task. I vaulted one drift that went all the way up to my balls. After an hour and a half everything was cleared and I bought the ladies lunch.

My snow blower was only two years old and set me back $800. Since its practically brand new, sans working engine (it still has those little nubbies on the tires), I went online to find out how much new engines cost. Without the exact model number handy I did a basic search for Tecumseh 6 hp models. I found a couple models for $250-$300. That was far, far less than I had expected. A hell of a lot better than $800. I called a friend of mine and he sad it shouldn't be too hard to swap out the old one and install the new one. It's not like we'd be taking everything apart (pistons and such), just replacing the engine. I'm almost certain I could do it myself but my friend is much more handy than I ever will be. I figure it will take us about two hours since everything is still fairly new and clean.

Two hours this summer.

I'm punishing myself by not getting it fixed till this summer. I will be shoveling snow for the rest of the winter. Maybe next year I'll actually make sure there's oil in the tank.

How I Feel Today/Self Portrait

Damn, think I missed.

New Years Resolution/Diet

I know a lot of people make New Years resolutions. I started smoking on New Years Eve, just can't remember what year it was. Girl the FA set me up with, thanks for the early retirement, buddy. Roth IRA check is in the mail.

"Diet", at this time of year, relates more to people wanting to lose weight. Diet to me means what I shove down my mouth. Some weeks, when chicken pot pies are on sale for $.50 a piece that's all I eat. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, that's it, same meal. This week they had chicken breasts on sale for $1.88 a pound. I bought three big packages. That's all I've eaten since noon on Sunday. And one would think, just eating chicken breasts, that I would lose weight. I don't know if this is hapenning, I don't typically stand on a scale.

But I have been shitting a lot. A lot. Not solid either. You'd think, straight chicken, your body would cope with something easy like that. Not mine.

I had to change it up with a frozen pizza tonight, see if the system has any problems with that.

Or the red peppers I put on it.

On E...

The Renter and I work at the same place. We car pool. We won't get into that now. Got in her car, 2 miles till empty. 6 miles home. I'm sweatin'. We passed 8 gas stationes, she doesn't pull over. Got home ok, by chance, and every thing was ok till...

Renter: Can I use your phone, mine's dead.

I left my phone at home, forgot it.

Neither of us had a working phone on us.

Needless to say I wasn't walking for gas.

Good Week

I've stayed home mostly this week, as evidenced by the stack of empty beer cans on my kitchen counter. Currently, 1:00 on Saturday, I'm trying to get the Renter to drive me somewhere that has beer as I'm out. This better work as I'm still drunk and can't drive to go get more beer. Fingers crossed.

Black Friday 58" Plasma

Somehow the Renter got me to go out on Black Friday and I bought a 58" plasma TV with 0% for 36 months. No big deal, ended up costing me $1 a day. But I noticed it puts out a lot of heat. It had an energy star symbol on the box but with the heat it puts out...

My electric bill has been $30 higher than usual lately. I've been staying home three days a week, as opposed to boozing it up out on the town (hole in the wall that still allows smoking), so I've been saving money. But the "energy star" TV the sits four feet sway from the thermostat is making the house cold. Namely, when I go to bed at night my room is not (undisclosed low heat reading). No, it's much colder. Thankfully I have a little puppy to keep me warm but still, f'ing cold. Turning on my space heater will only jack the electric bill up higher. Kind of like getting a ten and a six at blackjack.

NBA Owners

Seriously, is Carmello Anthonthy really worth LaBron Jamesd money? Really? I don't think so. The new CBA will take care of that. He should sign that extension while he still can.

Lighter

So I'm at a work party, some chick who came with a guy who doesn't even work for us anymore "borrowed" my lighter an hour ago. Of course I'm anal and have two lighters on me but should I go all petty on her and ask for it back?

A Friend For Puppy

I don't do much for Christmas. I don't buy gifts. I don't receive gifts. I try to see mom and dad at least once over the holidays. Once is enough.

With dad leaving for Florida this month I made a point to invite him and Butthead over. (I must have been a rough older brother to get my sister to answer to Butthead.) I asked if they could bring dad's two dogs since I really hadn't seen them much since he moved out.

When the crew arrived there was mass chaos. All three dogs were screaming around my living room. There was some growling but mostly play wrestling. Puppy had a blast while they were there.

Saturday, after having two pichters the Renter took me to the puppy store on 86th St. They had two puppies in the window, the cutest, most docile of which is pictured at the top of this post. Very nice dog, nine weeks old, great personality. The combination of not wanting to spend $425 and potty training a puppy in the winter months brought me to decide not to take any action. I really don't need another dog, as cute and cuddly as she was. So life, while on the edge for a bit, is back on even keel. Just the way I like it.

Excuse Me Sir...

It was snowing. The streets were shit, the sidewalks even worse. I had my dress shoes on with little to no grip.

I was on the way back from city hall after picking up a check for work. It wasn't cold but it was windy, snow blowing in my face. I heard a woman talking from accross the street.

"Sir? Sir?"

I looked over. To my surprise she was actually beckoning me.

"Do you have a cigarette I could borrow?"

Did she really think I was going to cross the street to "borrow" her a cigarette? How exactly does one "borrow" a cigarette? Was I going to catch up with her tomorrow?

What goes through these peoples' heads?

Poor, Neglected Blog

Dear blog,

I'm sorry I haven't paid much attention to you so far this year. I wish I had a good, solid reason as to why this has happened but I don't. Basically, my life has been pretty boring lately and I don't have much to share/laugh about. That and the only reason I turn on my laptop is for porn and not posting to your site. Sorry, porn conquers all.

Another reason you and I haven't been that close lately is that, I know you won't believe it, but I quit drinking for 3.5 days. Dear blog, you really haven't witnessed this before, but when I'm not drinking I tend to be rather dull personality wise. I don't crack jokes, I don't talk much, and I certainly don't pee myself (as often). Besides lifting weights after work, all I've done this week is watch TV and play on my phone. I know I could have spent some of that time updating/sharing with you, but it just didn't happen. And trust me, I thought about everything I could share as I tossed and turned for three sleepless nights (sobriety sucks). It wasn't that bad spending time with Puppy and just chilling out, but tossing and turning in bed even after staying up till midnight was killing me. I think Puppy even gave me the stink eye after waking her up for the 50th time on Wednesday.

But all is not lost. After not getting any sleep for three days I said enough is enough. I worked out Thursday after work and promptly cracked open a beer. Four beers later and it was off to the bar. Yes, back to the good 'ol routine! I plan on having many stories of me pooping myself or falling down a flight of stairs in the near future. And since I stopped going to the gym during lunch I might even take some time out and fill you in more often.

Just don't get mad at me when I try this little Monday-Thursday sober thing again next week.

Sincerely,

B to the...

My New Years Eve

3:30 - Got to the bar

6:45 - Left the bar

7:00 - Peed myself walking the dog

11:30 - Almost peed myself again trying to get out of my room after taking a nap

2:00 - Went to bed after watching Hitch

My exciting life. Fairly normal, except for the peeing myself.

For The Holidays...

I have 11 days off for the holidays. I don't have to report to work till Jan 3rd. Unfortunately, with my job, this doesn't mean I won't be in the office a day or two next week. I have to make sure there's money in the bank so people can get paid. Based on this drunken blog, one might think I have few responsibilities but that's far from the truth. I have X amount of people relying on me. I haven't taken a whole week off from work in I don't know how long. I used to hit Cancun twice a year for two weeks at a crack. Now that I'm "grown up" I can't do that.

My plan for the next 11 days: get as smashing drunk as possible while only eating one large meal a day. I'm going to take advantage of every all-you-can-eat lunch special and every happy hour special within a two mile radius (I already paid the Renter for gas knowing full well my Jeep won't be leaving my garage).

Since I started this post on Thursday (now Saturday), I've diverted from the original plan. By Friday, only two days into the time off, I was beered out. I couldn't even think about beer till after 5:00. And even after that I only lasted five hours at a bar before needing a ride home. Not a good start to what should be a beer marathon session.

Over Doing It

I'm a cheap bastard. When I see the letters F-R-E-E I jump on it. For example, last Friday the FA was kind enough to take me to the Milwaukee Buck's season ticket holders annual holiday game. They served a nice spread of food an hour and a half before the game started. They also had free beer. I had 12 beers in that 90 minutes. For the entire game I was forced to watch to jumbo screen as I couldn't see/focus past the cheerleaders on the sideline. I couldn't even tell you who the Bucks played let alone who won the game.

This F-R-E-E compulsion seems to get worse during the holidays. This week, for some reason or another, we've had F-R-E-E food in the office every day. It started out nicely with a potluck lunch with a variety of goodies available. I was fine with that, stuffed, but good to go. But the last two days they've put out a sausage/cheese/cracker spread from Usimger's. The past two days all I've eaten are sausage and cheese. Top that off with more orange juice than I've consumed in the previous six months combined and it spelled disaster. And my new bar, at which you can rent an ashtray for $1 and smoke inside, well, there toilet isn't the greatest. It handled my liquid poop, just not the six swipes of TP that I used.

This has happened twice now. I think they're going to catch on that its me soon.

Tail Bone

Nine days ago I slipped and fell down my basement stairs. I think I cried in front of the Renter but I don't remember, seeing stars. I went to the gym today, feeling ok but still tender. I sat down on a bench. I leaned back, going under the bar, and felt a sharp pain. I must have made a noise, everyone looked at me, but I sucked it up and did a set. Not much weight, 185, but it hurt. I left shortly after, bruised tailbone wouldn't let me do shit. I'll try it again, addict workout guy that I am, am hope it get's better.

Cam Newton Interview With Chris Fowler

You'd think, after LaBron James' "I'm taking my talents to South Beach" statement, and seeing the aftermath of that, no athlete would utter those words ever again. I just heard Cam Newton say that. And, during the NCAA investigation, he was advised to tell the truth, which he says he did. Good to hear that he was advised to not lie.

Why even give him that trophy.

I Know Fat Chicks Need Lovin' Too But...

...you can't tell me that Lifestyles condoms couldn't find a better spokesmodel than Snookie. I'd be lucky, with my non-existant sex life, to get it up for her.

Sunday Football

I had a rough Sunday. Ended up doing more shots than beers once again. Called the Roomate when things got out of hand, you wouldn't things would get physical with six guys but one guy decided so. The Renter was kind enough to pick me up along with my friend that she doesn't like. He was loaded, head bobbing loaded so I figured I'd put him in the Renter's back seat. Should have asked first, but he was loaded, didn't think I had to ask. Should have. Got reemed out afterwards but I couldn't leave him there. Caught shit for that later, still am actually.

I fell down the basement stairs later and had to take Monday off as I couldn't hardly walk. Not that big of a deal, just landed on the fleshy part of my ass. Sure, there might be disks and shit in there but I'm fine. Not the first time I slipped down the stairs. With the two subwoofer systems it's pretty tempting. But stairs are bad.

My drunken "tweet" for the day. I'll get some better shit on here soon, I promise.

Walking Backwards

Four years and ten months ago I bought my first house. At the time it sounded like a good idea: closer to my favorite hangout, not wasting money on rent and the whole building equity/good investment deal. I have now built negative equity and my corner bar closed. Sure, I can crank my two new subwoofers (yes, I bought a second one) as loud as I want but I'm kind of stranded without a place to go, except for my one friend who lives in the same apartment building that I moved out of almost five years ago. But here's the kicker: instead of pissing and moaning about the walk and people not shoveling their sidewalks, now I'm doing it with 16 cans of beer in my vinyl cooler. How times have changed.

Indoors, Outdoors...

After comsuming 17 beers, going to be at 11:00, I wake up at 2:00 am to a house that stinks of cigarette smoke after the Renter, and her friend/my co-worker, witnessed me step outside into the frigid winter air no less than six times last night to have a cigarette. And then I stew about this until 7:30 when I get up for work. Think I'll be more or less pissed by then?