Making a Face

I looked somewhat like this on Monday while getting a flu shot.

Second Jersey Shore Post of the Week

Checking my hotmail account today (which one person asked me this week, "hotmail is still around?), and I saw an ad featurring "The Situation" from The Jersey Shore. Please, please don't tell me this yahoo is making money off this.

Snooki Roll

Chick should start hawking doughnuts for Hostess or something.

Vincent Jackson, Unethical.

"My agents and teams interested did everything to make it happen, but this organization stopped it. It feels unethical and I am disappointed."

Why not play out your contract, wouldn't that be ethical? WRs are such divas.

Please Don't Tell Me You Have Coke In There...

9/18, 19 Hour Day

For some odd reason I couldn't sleep for shit on Friday night. I was wide awake at 4:00 am. My friend Turner was sleeping on my couch and knowing that he usually wakes up at the crack of ass I let the puppy jump all over him. Oops, sorry Turner, but mission accomplished. I promptly opened my first beer much to the amazement of my friend.

We hit a place for breakfast and afterwards Turner went in to work. I stayed up playing online poker till the Badgers game started.

Somewhere in there the Renter took me to get a new toilet but exactly what time that happened I'm not sure.

Another friend came over and installed the toilet. My old one was giving me shit for months so I was more than happy to get the new one working (although it is rather tall, not sure if the Renter's feet reach the floor).

Later in the evening our group hit a neighborhood bar and stayed till it got too busy. We picked up "Hurt Locker" and stayed up till 11:00. There was no way I was going to last any longer.

Wish I would have kept track of how many beers I had. A "conservative" number for me would be two an hour but that's being really conservative. I don't think I could even limit myself to two an hour. Had to have been over 40.

Awesome day by anyone's standards.

Too Much of a Good Thing

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Land Rover Ad

"Buy a car, or buy a Land Rover."

Seriously, that's your ad? How about "Buy a Land Rover, or buy a house."

I buy 30 packs of beer for $12.49, my tires on my Jeep stick out past my fenders, and I have no problem putting rubber on the fender of a Land Rover. Bring it.

Some Jeans

This has to be the "loosest" definition of "some jeans" ever.

Aftermath

Free beer is indeed free beer, and if you partake in it you both pass out at 3:00 and miss the afternoon game (Packers game for me).

Life.

Is.

Grand.

Free Beer

Sunday, about 12:15, and since the Packers don't play till 3:15 I somehow managed to get the Renter to take me to a dive bar that was advertising free beer from 1-3. Sounds too good to be true. But hey, free beer? Worth checking out.

I did my chores for the day, mowed the lawn, washed/waxed the car, munched on the poon - yeah right.

12:15 am and I'm posting this shit? Must still be fucked up from Saturday.

Snot in Here!

The Renter and I now work at the same place (fuck) and carpool to work together (double fuck). Talk about seeing to much of a person, man. We alternate days driving, typically I'll do Monday and Wednesday and she does Tuesday and Thursday with alternating Fridays depending on who drove the previous Friday. When she drives I prefer to close my eyes as it gets a little scary. When I drive I purposely do shit to make her grab for the oh shit handles. At least I do it on purpose.

I drove this Friday. Three blocks from home I sneezed. It was a big one. I had snot all over my hands and even hanging out my nose. I don't have tissues or anything in my car so I just kind of sat there and looked at the Renter. She looked at me and scooted over a couple inches with a disgusted look. Me, I started laughing. I knew what was coming next.

I started to lick my palms. The Renter put her hand over her mouth. I made a little choking sound. The Renter wrenched and turned away. I made a lip smacking noise. The Renter puked out the window leaving streaks down the side of my car.

What the fuck?

Snot in my car. I made her walk the rest of the way.

Charles Woodson Extension

The Packers will have Woodson for five more years. Then we'll have a 38-year-old corner back. THAT sounds really appealing. Who's he going to cover, a 38-year-old Randy Moss? A 41-year-old T.O.? Rediculous.

FA's Message - :O

Me: Dude, is that you blowing me?

FA: He, he, lol!

I wonder about him sometimes.

Gym, Bloating

I joined the local gym today after one and a half years being away. I was fine with working out at home but it seemed like evening activities would get in the way. Normally I'd get home at 5:30 and be done lifting weights at 6:30 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I know my intensity wasn't that great but I'd power through each workout as best I could. But then I thought about it over the weekend. I never left the office for lunch so I was losing an hour there. While I have all the equipment I need in my basement the gym is only $20 a month for Marquette alum. And my credit card statement end date was the 28th so I wouldn't have to pay the $120 for the fall semester until the middle of October. Sweet! (I literally get off on simple stuff like that!) So at 12:30 I walked over there and by 12:40 I was tossing weights around. I can't explain why but there's a big difference when you go from someone's basement to an actual gym, especially on the standard bench press. I was tossing 225 around like it was nothing. Anyway, I saw a couple friendly faces (although not the hot 40-year-old), cleaned up and left knowing I had made a good decision.

Back in the office I decided to try out the protein powder I bought off the Renter for a steal. Within an hour I was on the shitter making ungodly noises that I would have been super proud of except that two of my co-workers were in there at the same time. Just a little embarrassing. I had to wait till they left before I snuck out of there.

Death At A Funeral

With the Brewers having off on Monday I thought it would be a good idea to swing by the local Redbox and pick up a movie for the evening. I had seen previews for Death at a Funeral numerous times and it looked pretty funny. Little did I know...

The scene where Tracy Morgan gets his hand stuck under Danny Glover while he's taking a shit... I laughed so hard one of my neighbors opened up their front door to see what was going on. The Renter almost threw up. The Little Buddy from down the street couldn't watch it. In all I replayed it five times, every time someone new would come over. "I think I got some poop in my mouth" made the Renter wrench again. Funniest "shit" I've seen in 2010.

Sunday Fun Day

Sunday's lately have been a recipe for disaster. Our group of five or six has found a bar that serves free bacon from 11:00 am till 1:00 pm, as much as you want. I'm a huge bacon fan so I really don't mind being woken up to go there. But beer, at 11:00 am, when I probably had the last one at 1:00 am, well, it doesn't help the situation.

That's exactly what happened on Sunday. For some reason the staff there really like us (being the only ones in the bar) and seem to "take care" of us. They even warmed up to the Little Buddy down the street from me. We were buying buckets of Milw's Best with four beers for $6. Even got a round of four free. Needless to say I was rocked by 5:00. After that things get a little fuzzy. Apparently I filled up my cooler as if to go outside and instead took a two hour nap. (?) The Renter woke me up, "Wake up, everyone is on the deck." And by gollie everyone was on the deck, including the bartender from the bar. Puppy was sitting on his lap giving me the "you've been replaced" look.

Don't even know what time I went to bed.

The next day I felt like I went a couple rounds with Rocky Balboa. My arms, chest and back had sore spots like I rolled down a rocky hill. I could hardly get 135 off my chest when I was working out. I didn't fully recover till Wednesday.

But guess what I'm doing again this Sunday. You betcha.

Infectious Disease

Last weekend I was fortunate to be invited back to Michigan for another weekend of fun in the sun. I was hoping to take Friday off and make it a three day weekend but with a board meeting early the next week I wasn't able to. Would have been nice as driving five hours after work on Friday and another five hours on Sunday kind of sucked.

Got there at 11:00 pm and I immediately found out that I had some catching up to do. Unfortunately all my beer was warm but I did my best till they got iced down.

Saturday morning our host made ten pounds of bacon for everyone. I guess the store in town had a special for $10. Guess who else picked a box up on the way home?

Around noon some people went golfing and my group decided to take the pontoon boat out. We had trouble getting it in to gear and I had to jump out to keep it from hitting a platform in the lake, completely forgetting about the full pack of cigarettes in my pocket.

One pack down.

Many beers later our host managed to dip the front of the pontoon boat six inches under water and my beer and cigs went floating away.

Longest boat ride ever. No beer, no cigs.

Back at the pier, we were coming in a little hot. I tried to grab the pier to slow us down but it didn't work. The chair broke, Puppy and I fell in the lake, scraping my leg in the process.

I drove through downtown Chicago, stick shift, no problem.

Monday it swelled up. Not good.

Went to the Dr. On Tues, got some antibiotics which fixed the swelling buy the open wound was still there. And its still not healed.

Worst part?

Not getting injured to the point I had to go to the Dr.

I got the notice that I got the primo bedroom because they know I can't find my way out of my bedroom when I'm drunk.

Fuck.

The Renter's in the Bathroom, Possibly With Her Pants Down

Tuesday Robbery, Description

"The first three numbers of the van's license plates are believed to be 243, 234, 249 or a similar combination, police said."

So, like 294?

253?

267?