Hot Ass

On Friday I went to the parent's house as usual for dinner. Mom had made some Mexican pizza thing that had little to no flavor. I went in the fridge and grabbed some hot sauce. At least then the shit was almost worth eating.

10:00 I started to get some stomach pains. 10:30 I was on the shitter. 10:33 I was gingerly dabbing at what used to be my asshole. The shit came out like it was on fire. It felt like I might as well have dropped my drawers and applied the hot sauce directly on my ass. Hell, it felt like I'd stuck the bottle up my ass and squeezed it empty. It almost made me come to tears.

On Saturday I checked the bottle of hot sauce. The expiration date was 8/06. Chucked that shit in the garbage.

I'm sending mom a bill for some new underwear.