Guess Who Pooped and Peed Outside Today!

No, not me, you fuckers. Molly did both for the first time today. Granted she might have stepped in the poo after the deed was done but so what, it was outside and I tossed her on the Renter's bed to clean off her feet. (Technically I'm not sure if she stepped in the poo. I had been awake for all of two minutes and I didn't have my contacts in. But the dog did get tossed on the Renter's bed for one of those traditional "Hi, it's me! Wake up! Smell my poopy feet!" And if it wasn't already a tradition I think it should become one.)

But seriously, fuck, I never thought a little four pound dog would change my life so much. Gone are the days of hitting the bar right after work and stumbling home at midnight. No, I have to take the dog out, make sure she eats, try to wear her out a little (FA, I meant by playing, not the way you wear your dog out), and maybe get three pitchers of beer in later on (and that's a big maybe, lately it's been only two). Then when I get home I have to take the dog out again and try to tire her out so she doesn't toss and turn in bed. Four pounds of puppyness has put a damper on my drinking career, kind of like a basketball player who loses a hand (can anyone say chest pass?).

Oh, and did I mention anything about getting up an hour before my alarm goes off? Yes, thank you puppy, I really didn't need anymore sleep. Of course if she's up I have to get up, get dressed, take her outside, and then by that point I'm fucking awake and complaining about it on my online journal (please don't call it a diary!).

So being a dog owner has probably changed my life in a good way. I'll have to take her out to LA with me so Paris Hilton and I will have something in common and can hang out and I can test out that hard-anal-sex-with-celebrities theory of mine.

Wonder if Snoop out in Cali can hook me up with one of those girls from the [MTV "reality" show where all the bitches have the riches].

(Did you check out the Audrina Patridge photos yet?)